Hopeless Romantic

Almost every girl dreams about it, and I am no exception. Snow White was my first disney movie, and as soon as end credits rolled on, I was on a mission. Even at age 5 or whatever, I believed my Prince Charming was out there. And I needed to find him...


Throughout life, it has not taken much to make me swoon or go weak at the knees. It sounds shallow, but at the time, felt like the most romantic thing. A little weed flower picked off the side of the road just for me, an anonymous card through the letterbox on Valentine's Day (which I later found out was my grandmother), having amazing things in common, like knowing random nature facts (collective nouns are a favourite of mine) or sharing a fear of the toaster when it pops. Meeting someone else who has watched the Natural World episode on army ants more than once and is not afriad to admit it (well, it's quite fascinating!). Knowing someone who's favourite colours in a pack of skittles or starburst is green and yellow, perfect for me, who can't stand them in my packet. Yeah, it all sounds pretty peachy, and these things were lovely when they happened. But really, they were never enough for me to know if the other person was really part of my whole future.


If you had asked me a few months ago when I wanted to get married. I would have very quickly told you that I was in fact ready to marry asap. Just give me the man and no problem. I was very ready indeed. However, over the last few months here in Rwanda, I have continually shown signs of not being ready for marriage, or even a relationship to be honest. I had a clear, but rather halting revelation that I am in fact too selfish to share my life just now. I'm not ready to wholly serve another person before myself, as I still quite enjoy only having to worry about myself most of the time. I certainly do not want some poor man to suffer with a selfish me either, that's just not very nice for him.


So here I am, currently unattached, and for the first time in my life, happy about that. I'm not looking for my Prince Charming, I've found all I need right now, in Jesus. And it's comforting to know that he is the perfect man for me at this time. And the only One I truly need.  And he also does not react badly when my selfishness makes an appearance. Thank you Lord, for your endless grace! I am also thankful that He is a God who knows the way to His daughter's hearts...so I can happily carry on being a Hopeless Romantic for Him. Sigh.........