So I was having my daily dose of BBC news this morning, and came across an interesting article. Interesting as it includes myself and a good number of my friends in it. I have to say it can be almost embaressing hearing myself talking, especially when I'm nervous and listen to the number of "likes" that come in there. I most often use it as a quotative when I'm replaying conversations to my friends e.g
"So I went to speak to so and so and was like, "how are you doing today?"
"And she was like, "fine."
"And I was like, "that's nice."
"And then so and so comes along and is like, "blablabla."
It's quite an interesting article, for the BBC and it has made me listen a bit more carefully to my speaking,
Anyway, I like, hope you have a nice day!
Love from Kigali
Check out the article here
Wednesday, September 29
Tuesday, September 28
Callum
I have an amazing little brother called Callum. But I call him my little big brother, and I am his big little sister as he has long overtaken me on the height charts.
Anyway, he is great and really an amazing guy, and God has great, big plans for him.
Check out his awesome website here
Love you Cal
Anyway, he is great and really an amazing guy, and God has great, big plans for him.
Check out his awesome website here
Love you Cal
Monday, September 27
Setting Sail
I recently aquired a lot of new music from some friends. Jon kindly gave me some more Phil Wickham albums. I love this guy. His lyrics are amazing, his voice is great and he's not too bad to look at either, which makes it all a bit easier. Sorry though ladies, I hear he's married....hmph
Anyway, love this particular song which is called Sailing On A Ship from his album Cannons.
Especially love the line with every storm I face, I find a greater grace
A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars
I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore
The skies go blue to gray
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart
He who is in me [and you] is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
eh....hello sailor
Anyway, love this particular song which is called Sailing On A Ship from his album Cannons.
Especially love the line with every storm I face, I find a greater grace
A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars
I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore
The skies go blue to gray
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart
He who is in me [and you] is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
eh....hello sailor
Sunday, September 26
Pure Shady Like
So I picked up some sweet aviators in mu muji (town) the other week. Bargained them from 5000, down to 1500 which I personally think is quite impressive. I actually quite enjoy a good haggle, especially when I win!
rock on
rock on
Saturday, September 25
I'm dreaming.....
……….of a scottish Christmas
Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, yes please! In just 32 short African days, I’ll be home in Scotland for some sweet, festive fun!
I have been drifting off into daydreams thinking about home, and things planned for the hols. Here are just a few of the great things I have to look forward to….
First and foremost, the feeling of coming through the arrival gates at Edinburgh airport and seeing loved ones, that is a pretty amazing experience!
A special trip to the hairdressers for a good trim and some attention to the roots! Seriously, my hair is DESPERATE!
Trips up to Edinburgh with Mum. Hitting a few shops (just a few, because we’re not as young as we used to be) lunch in Pret A Manger, and a few coffee stops. I’m even looking forward to Mum dragging me around IKEA, with the promise of an almond croissant at the end. Has anyone ever had an almond croissant at IKEA? They’re amazing. I once went in especially for some.
A trip up to the Highlands with Poppy to visit Graham. Long walks in a beautiful part of the country. Cosy nights with baileys, pjs and hot water bottles. I am REALLY looking forward to this.
Climbing Ben Nevis with Dad. Yes, I have set myself a few challenges, and looking forward to some special time with Dadio.
Catching up on X Factor before the final. Thank God for Catch Up TV.
Seeing my little big brother. Maybe he can come up B.Nevis too. We’ll see.
Trips to the Jammy Coo. The most amazing coffee shop and gallery around. Carrot Cake, Bacon Brie and Cranberry bagels, gorgeous cards and gifts, and the loveliest staff which are the best bit! Their website is great, but a visit there is much better, so you can experience it for yourself! http://www.jammycoo.co.uk/
A bit of babysitting some special wee monkeys who I love spending time with.
Seeing Michaela and her two special kitties. I am determined not to be scared of getting scratched and will be friends with these two cats. Maybe a couple of glasses of rose will make it all a bit easier. Also excited about some nice time with M, who brings much joy, and who is a great listener and understands so well.
MY BED. Oh thank you Lord for my big, double, freshly washed bed with big pillows and soft mattress and pretty fairy lights above it. (Yes, I know I never turn them on Mum, but it doesn’t matter)
Seeing my lovely friend Anna aka Bambi. (Bambi is quite a recent name I gave her. It came to me one time when we were out dancing. Anna has amazing long legs, and when combined with ridiculously high heels, can make walking a bit of a challenge. So she usually looks like Bambi wobbling around trying to get her balance most of the time) I am looking forward to seeing her new flat, with en suite so I’ve heard, which I’m LOVING. Anna is a treasure. Love her so much.
Heading up to GTown, Glasvegas, or just Glasgow for those not down with the lingo yet. Love a bit of Glasgow, and what is a trip west without seeing Miss Karen Hutchison?! My sukari who is the best at snuggles! Our visits with eachother always begin in the evening with a movie and ice cream in bed, then continue onto more snoozing in the morning. I’m hoping we can go out for lunch at that nice place again. And of course dinner at Nandos. Which I know isn’t so posh but WE LOVE IT!! Especially with a cheeky Savannah Dry cider on the side, and reminiscing about ZA adventures. Love you K.
Enjoying seeing all the other great people Glasgow holds! Kirsty is a sweetheart who is probably one of the wisest people I know and gives great advice. She's a good 'un! I am also looking forward to seeing Stevie in his new abode.
Walking Molly along the Bridgelands. Trying to distract her away from dead rabbits.
McDonalds runs with Craigy singing Gavin Degraw full blast as we go.
Coffee dates with Ruthie and Alasdair. Usually filling eachother in on all the important issues in life.
I am hoping Shmeeglet (Katie) is home at Christmas. As Boxing Day in Oxton is the best. Hello cheese board and wine!!
Driving around in Rita. Come on old girl, only 32 more days to keep working. Please Please Please!
Chilling out with the family in the evenings watching a movie on the big screen.
Seeing Lauren and getting all worked up about Rwanda in the new year!
REVOLUTION church that is such a blessing. I know it sounds kinda bad, but church here makes me appreciate what we have in that church.
I am actually really looking forward to wrapping up in some nice clothes. Currently dreaming over a pair of leather wedge heel long boots. yum yum.
1st December antics with Pops. We have the same birthday. And this year are doing something super special. It starts with Stobo and ends in Castle. Yes please!! http://www.stobocastle.co.uk/Home
Seeing Fiona and her gorgeous ray of sunshine. Sophie Elsie. She will be 1 in January which is crazy. Can’t wait to hear her little words and giggles! Yipeeee for babies!
Having the family up from Stoke and spending as much time as possible with them in the nice holiday cottages at Lewinshope. Sauna and all so BYOB (bikini)
A few shifts in Jammy Coo. In particular Thursday mornings with Lindsey! Oh how I’ve missed making her special super size cappuccinos and sharing a slice of something or other with her!
Mince Pies and Mulled Wine. Nuff said.
Christmas TV
Special Time with my Mama. Like when she is cooking and I’m lying on the sofa in the kitchen. Or when we nip into Gala. Or when we go for lunch at Turnbulls in Hawick. Or when we’re making hearts to sell. Or when we’re watching X Factor. Or when we make silly videos after X Factor. Or when we go for a walk “all the way round” and have earl grey tea in Baxters and leave Molly outside harassing anyone that comes near her. I love you Mum!!
Remembering what Christmas is really all about. Thank you Jesus that you were born and lived and died for us. Such a precious gift.
Phew, OK that was a lot, I got a bit carried away. And there are so many more I could write down. I’ve never had a Christmas anywhere but Scotland. And don’t really know what one would be like without my family. New Year is in Kigali, so there will definitely be a blog for that one!
Anyway, I’ll stop here, while I’m feeling festive. Love to all, from Kigali.
Here is a wee pic from maybe a couple of years ago now, when we went for a family walk in the forest (doesn't that make us sound so active?!)
Tuesday, September 21
Filled to be Emptied
DTS students left this morning to begin their 10 week Outreach across Eastern Rwanda and Tanzania. Waving them off in their taxi was happy and somehow sad too! Those who know me well, know I can cry at anything...so I had a little sob as I went back to my office ha!
It has been an amazing twelve weeks as the school has been stretched and challenged and grown through lecture phase. Now, it is time for them to out into practice the teachings they received. I am so excited for them, and can already feel that God is going to do great things through their ministry. Awesome!
So, we will miss them at the base for sure, as they bring much joy and laughter with them, but I am looking forward to visiting them in a few weeks or so to see how they are getting on.
Just sitting here I am reminded of a worship song I really love, especially the last verse...
"I know I'm filled to be emptied again....the seed I've received, I will sow"
These words just make me realise again and again that the gifts God gives us are not to be stored up only for ourselves, but to be shared with the people in our lives. Sharing His love with those who don't know it, sharing His peace with those who are troubled. Freedom for those who are bound. Joy in unhappy lives. Promises for broken hearts...it goes on, and it is ours to share
It has been an amazing twelve weeks as the school has been stretched and challenged and grown through lecture phase. Now, it is time for them to out into practice the teachings they received. I am so excited for them, and can already feel that God is going to do great things through their ministry. Awesome!
So, we will miss them at the base for sure, as they bring much joy and laughter with them, but I am looking forward to visiting them in a few weeks or so to see how they are getting on.
Just sitting here I am reminded of a worship song I really love, especially the last verse...
"I know I'm filled to be emptied again....the seed I've received, I will sow"
These words just make me realise again and again that the gifts God gives us are not to be stored up only for ourselves, but to be shared with the people in our lives. Sharing His love with those who don't know it, sharing His peace with those who are troubled. Freedom for those who are bound. Joy in unhappy lives. Promises for broken hearts...it goes on, and it is ours to share
Tuesday, September 14
But my feelings told me to
...yes, and how do you feel about that?
Feelings, we are all very familiar with them, and experience different ones everyday. Doing life here, I find myself feeling joyful, peacful, frustrated, exasperated, amazed, prideful, thankful, encouraged, strengthened, disappointed, offended, passionate....the list carries on, up and down along the hills and through the valleys of my emotion.
Recently, I have been enjoying the feeling of acting upon my feelings. Listening carefully to them, and living my life by them. I have been making decisions based on how I feel about something, and to be honest, there have been a few near disasters because of this.
I thank God that He created us to feel emotion. Good grief, it would pretty awful if we couldn't express ourselves, or didn't even have feelings to express - ugh. I love the intense happiness I feel when I return home after a long time and see my family, I will never forget coming through arrivals after my return from Rwanda last year. I love the feeling of contentness (yes I know that's not a word) and satisfaction after a big Christmas dinner with honey roasted parsnips and yorkshire puds (drool). I love the feeling of pure awe when you see a brand new baby, hours old, with perfect little fingers and nails, and a little button nose. I also am glad to be able to feel passionate about things that matter in life. I am glad to be able to feel something when I hear about terrible and horrific injustices around the world. Yes, feelings are great, thank You for that.
But, how do I listen to God, before my feelings? How do I seek His will first, before my own? It's proving to be a bit more difficult that I first hoped and I have been most discouraged when I don't seem to learn my lesson right first time, and get caught up in the same problem soon after. I think I should be honest with you here in this blog, so I will tell you a quick story about when I acted on my feelings recently and nearly got myself into a bit of a mess....
We all know I like a good moan, and can get very carried away with my feelings once I've started. Note to self: Start remembering this as you begin your big rants. Things can be challenging here. And it's good, gosh it is good to be challenged and grown, and it would be pretty boring if I wasn't changing through this experience. Anyway, yesterday I was skyping with my mum lamenting my struggles here blah blah blah (poor Mum) and very suddenly I decided "I don't have to deal with this (pride), I'm not gaining anything here (greed) I can come home now if I want (power), I'm going to tell them I'm leaving at the end of the month (arrogance). Not a nice list of feelings that were swirling into my line of thought. I actually feel pretty shameful about this now. So I went and announced, that I was leaving, that I felt this and this and this and this.....
Later on, I went out for dinner, feeling pretty pleased to begin with but slowly feeling regret and conviction that I had done wrong that afternoon creeping in. What was I thinking? Had I asked God anything about this or just completely overlooked him? Obviously I avoided that question and went on to order some lemon sorbet. The end of the night came, and we had got chatting to a table of americans next to us. They took my number and said they'd call (I hope they do!), and as we left I though "Oh no! I've just decided I'm leaving, and now I've made some friends...hmph" I also got an invite to a party from a scouser who works with something to do with the president. I also was rather deflated to find out the party was in October. I would be home by then, happily comfortable and no doubt having the time of my life away from Kigali......right?
I got back to base, chatted for a while with a couple of the students which was nice and went to bed. Despite it being midnight I was wide awake thinking about Jonah of all people. Oh God no, anyone but Jonah. Not the man who ran away from His calling and got swallowed by a big fish. Of all stories in the bible, You give me Jonah. I am not Jonah. I am not trying to run away, this is just the right thing to do, my feelings have told me so, you see.
After a good wee while, I fell asleep, woke up in the morning and I'm sure you can imagine what my first thought was.....after a confirming email from Mum, all about....Jonah, I had to go and speak to Personnel again. I'm not leaving, I'm sorry, I acted on my feelings. God has spoken His plan and promises to me. He is meeting all of my needs and I don't want to go home in two weeks. Sorry again. Then I went to speak to God: I'm sorry. I am a weak human who thinks she knows best. You know best, Heavenly Father. I want to walk as a daughter who knows her Dad. Forgive me. Thank you.
So that's that all sorted, and now I am feeling happiness, peace and comfort that I am in the right place.
Thank You for that.....
Lets hope I don't need to do this lesson again anytime soon.
Feelings, we are all very familiar with them, and experience different ones everyday. Doing life here, I find myself feeling joyful, peacful, frustrated, exasperated, amazed, prideful, thankful, encouraged, strengthened, disappointed, offended, passionate....the list carries on, up and down along the hills and through the valleys of my emotion.
Recently, I have been enjoying the feeling of acting upon my feelings. Listening carefully to them, and living my life by them. I have been making decisions based on how I feel about something, and to be honest, there have been a few near disasters because of this.
I thank God that He created us to feel emotion. Good grief, it would pretty awful if we couldn't express ourselves, or didn't even have feelings to express - ugh. I love the intense happiness I feel when I return home after a long time and see my family, I will never forget coming through arrivals after my return from Rwanda last year. I love the feeling of contentness (yes I know that's not a word) and satisfaction after a big Christmas dinner with honey roasted parsnips and yorkshire puds (drool). I love the feeling of pure awe when you see a brand new baby, hours old, with perfect little fingers and nails, and a little button nose. I also am glad to be able to feel passionate about things that matter in life. I am glad to be able to feel something when I hear about terrible and horrific injustices around the world. Yes, feelings are great, thank You for that.
But, how do I listen to God, before my feelings? How do I seek His will first, before my own? It's proving to be a bit more difficult that I first hoped and I have been most discouraged when I don't seem to learn my lesson right first time, and get caught up in the same problem soon after. I think I should be honest with you here in this blog, so I will tell you a quick story about when I acted on my feelings recently and nearly got myself into a bit of a mess....
We all know I like a good moan, and can get very carried away with my feelings once I've started. Note to self: Start remembering this as you begin your big rants. Things can be challenging here. And it's good, gosh it is good to be challenged and grown, and it would be pretty boring if I wasn't changing through this experience. Anyway, yesterday I was skyping with my mum lamenting my struggles here blah blah blah (poor Mum) and very suddenly I decided "I don't have to deal with this (pride), I'm not gaining anything here (greed) I can come home now if I want (power), I'm going to tell them I'm leaving at the end of the month (arrogance). Not a nice list of feelings that were swirling into my line of thought. I actually feel pretty shameful about this now. So I went and announced, that I was leaving, that I felt this and this and this and this.....
Later on, I went out for dinner, feeling pretty pleased to begin with but slowly feeling regret and conviction that I had done wrong that afternoon creeping in. What was I thinking? Had I asked God anything about this or just completely overlooked him? Obviously I avoided that question and went on to order some lemon sorbet. The end of the night came, and we had got chatting to a table of americans next to us. They took my number and said they'd call (I hope they do!), and as we left I though "Oh no! I've just decided I'm leaving, and now I've made some friends...hmph" I also got an invite to a party from a scouser who works with something to do with the president. I also was rather deflated to find out the party was in October. I would be home by then, happily comfortable and no doubt having the time of my life away from Kigali......right?
I got back to base, chatted for a while with a couple of the students which was nice and went to bed. Despite it being midnight I was wide awake thinking about Jonah of all people. Oh God no, anyone but Jonah. Not the man who ran away from His calling and got swallowed by a big fish. Of all stories in the bible, You give me Jonah. I am not Jonah. I am not trying to run away, this is just the right thing to do, my feelings have told me so, you see.
After a good wee while, I fell asleep, woke up in the morning and I'm sure you can imagine what my first thought was.....after a confirming email from Mum, all about....Jonah, I had to go and speak to Personnel again. I'm not leaving, I'm sorry, I acted on my feelings. God has spoken His plan and promises to me. He is meeting all of my needs and I don't want to go home in two weeks. Sorry again. Then I went to speak to God: I'm sorry. I am a weak human who thinks she knows best. You know best, Heavenly Father. I want to walk as a daughter who knows her Dad. Forgive me. Thank you.
So that's that all sorted, and now I am feeling happiness, peace and comfort that I am in the right place.
Thank You for that.....
Lets hope I don't need to do this lesson again anytime soon.
Monday, September 13
There's this girl from Canada right.....
....and her name is Bethany Jade Speers, she is a very special girl who has been to Rwanda before. I met her last year, we shared a LOT of laughs and fair few tears too. She is a Mrs now, which is so exciting and married to a wonderful guy who I hope to meet one day too. I spent half of last year with her here in beautiful Rwanda, and being back without her is weird, to say the least, here's some of the times where I have particularly missed her presence....
I miss B when I'm sitting in Bourbon coffee on my own, and there is no one sitting opposite me to pull faces at
I miss B when I sit in a meeting and I notice something small and insignificant and I know she would also have noticed that
I miss B when I go to buy something from Phillipe
I miss B when I run out of toilet paper and there is no one to borrow off
I miss B when I watch a disney movie
I miss B when I don't have someone to share the joy of feeling the first cupful of cold water in a shower
I miss B when I'm in Bukora, and I'm the only one scared of the rats
I miss B when I see Steven and Gikotori
I miss B when I get frustrated and no one understands why
I miss B when my back is peeling and I have no one to help me moisturise
I miss B when I go to Kimironko market and everyone asks where Umuhoza is
I miss B when people talk about her
I miss B when I read her blog she wrote last year and remember the special friendship God blessed us with
I miss B when I'm on the moto, and don't have someone to race home with
I miss B when I'm brushing my teeth
I miss B when I have clean up, because we used to help eachother each time
I miss B when I find new places, because I wish that we could have found them together
I miss B when I look through old photos
I miss B when I see two girls having fun out in town
I miss B when I need to have a rant
I miss B when I get too embarrassed to practice kinyarwanda with anyone else
I miss B when I see african fabrics
I miss B when I read our DTS application forms
I miss B when I talk to her online
I miss B when I don't talk to her online
I miss B when I have to sit through a 5 hour church service without her
I miss B when Coldplay comes on shuffle
I miss B when I have tree tomato juice
I miss B when I nearly trip up, and she wasn't there to see it
I miss B a lot really
She is a special, treasured friend, and I know God will bring us together again one day. I will see Canada, and she will see Scotland, I'm quite sure of it. But until then, there are just memories, which will just have to do I suppose
I miss B when I'm sitting in Bourbon coffee on my own, and there is no one sitting opposite me to pull faces at
I miss B when I sit in a meeting and I notice something small and insignificant and I know she would also have noticed that
I miss B when I go to buy something from Phillipe
I miss B when I run out of toilet paper and there is no one to borrow off
I miss B when I watch a disney movie
I miss B when I don't have someone to share the joy of feeling the first cupful of cold water in a shower
I miss B when I'm in Bukora, and I'm the only one scared of the rats
I miss B when I see Steven and Gikotori
I miss B when I get frustrated and no one understands why
I miss B when my back is peeling and I have no one to help me moisturise
I miss B when I go to Kimironko market and everyone asks where Umuhoza is
I miss B when people talk about her
I miss B when I read her blog she wrote last year and remember the special friendship God blessed us with
I miss B when I'm on the moto, and don't have someone to race home with
I miss B when I'm brushing my teeth
I miss B when I have clean up, because we used to help eachother each time
I miss B when I find new places, because I wish that we could have found them together
I miss B when I look through old photos
I miss B when I see two girls having fun out in town
I miss B when I need to have a rant
I miss B when I get too embarrassed to practice kinyarwanda with anyone else
I miss B when I see african fabrics
I miss B when I read our DTS application forms
I miss B when I talk to her online
I miss B when I don't talk to her online
I miss B when I have to sit through a 5 hour church service without her
I miss B when Coldplay comes on shuffle
I miss B when I have tree tomato juice
I miss B when I nearly trip up, and she wasn't there to see it
I miss B a lot really
She is a special, treasured friend, and I know God will bring us together again one day. I will see Canada, and she will see Scotland, I'm quite sure of it. But until then, there are just memories, which will just have to do I suppose
Sunday, September 12
Kigali Livin'
I thought it was about time for another wee entry, this time, more of a general one. Nothing of great interest has happened of late, but though it might be nice just to give you a glimpse into the day to day life of a scottish girl living in Rwanda.
Trips off the base are far from boring and I try to get out 2 or 3 times a week just to keep myself sane. Although the base is nice, I can often feel confined here and just have to get out and see some different faces. A trip into mu muji (town) costs 20p on the Kigali Bus Service. A new addition to the public transport system since my time here last year. Very comfortable to be honest, keeping to the one person per seat policy. It makes a nice change from the matatus (small van that carries 20 people in it) and gets me into the centre pretty swiftly. I am still practicing my patience with the buses and matatus however. The longest part of the journey is probably the first kilometre, where people stand at about five metre intervals along the road, causing the bus to stop every 20 seconds. It drives me crazy! And often leaves me muttering (mild) obscenities under my breath as they pile on one at a time. When we get moving, the journey is always a sight to take in. I never get tired of watching the vibrant world pass me by. Different smells, sounds and sights satisfy the senses each time.
When in town, my usual first place is a coffeeshop called Bourbon Coffee where amazing coffees are served. Way better than starbucks. All homegrown in different regions of Rwanda. And amazing banana loaf. There are a few branches in the city, one in the centre, one at the airport and one at the big MTN centre. I like being designated to do the airport pickups for students. And always leave early so I can sit and have a coffee first! It's always a nice wee escape and I've never had a bad coffee there! Have to say the apple pie is pretty special too! Made friends with a few of the staff who work there, and have had my cakes or snacks for free once or twice which is SO sweet. I always try and make a swift exit, as the friends I've made seem to be male, and tend to try to ask me out. So to avoid any awkward moments, I say my goodbyes and (subtly) bolt for the exit.
There are plenty of shops around the main town, and a market or two that are great for rooting around in. I'm trying to bring back presents that are a bit different this year and have found some rather delightful wee shops that have sweet things in them. Obviously can't write what I have bought as friends and family will read this and surprise will be spoiled. I often (well, every time I go into town) bump into a guy who sells stuff on the street…I couldn't escape him last year either. He has a (fake) diamond earring in and always insists that I need a map of Kigali, Rwanda or the world. Or at least a flag…or a postcard at least. Oh he is insufferable and he always seems to find me around town. God bless him.
When I was here last year, I have to admit, I was petrified about going into the busy maze of streets, in case I was mugged or worse, overcharged by the shopkeepers. It's true, it is harder to bargain around those kind of shops, as the women are usually quite bolshy, and not easily persuaded. I got into a bit of an argument once with one. I wanted a simple dress, just for church, plainish, and not expensive. Went into this one shop, and greeted the women inside (noting the £ signs that sprang up in their eyes as they took me in) and announced that I needed a dress. The main mama proceeded to show me 20 of the vilest dresses I have ever seen in my life. She became increasingly aggravated with me as I screwed my nose up at each one. We moved to the changed room where she dressed me (because I can't put a dress on myself) up in 4 or 5 more hideous numbers. At this point, I'd all but given up hope when the silver lining to the experience showed itself in a duckegg blue and tawny brown paisley number. It was by far the nicest thing I'd seen, and had a simple cut and style. I tried it on (heart sinking slightly when I saw there was a hole in the side) and was pleased with the appearance. It was smiles all round as I paraded around the shop in it and soaked up all of the coos of the inhabitants. Turning to the mama, I asked her the price, and nearly fainted when she said 20,000rwf (twenty quid!) WHAT?! Well, I was very displeased and told her I would NEVER pay that amount for it, she asked me how much I would pay, I said 3,000 to which she laughed and started telling the other woman what a crazy muzungu I was only paying this amount. Well, we continued to argue (in our own languages and a few french numbers thrown in for good measure) for another 5 minutes. I offered her 5,000 which is a fortune for what the dress was and she still was not having it. I then stomped out of the shop (disappointed when she didn't call me back) and sulked about my duckegg dress for the rest of the afternoon. However, this experience did not put me off these shops and I can say now I have made a lot of more successful purchases over the months I've been here. And enjoy taking a walk along the streets when I'm in town. Like I said, there is so much to take in.
I take motorbikes almost every time I go out. They are the fastest way to get around, lots of fun and usually safe(ish). I'm building up quite a collection of stories from the trips. Sometimes you get the slowest driver in Kigali, which is painful (especially now that it's rainy season and getting caught in the rain is just not nice). Or you get the crazy driver (who looks slightly high) and get home in a flash. It's times like this where I really claim God's protection over my life and try to think happy thoughts on the way home. I have to say I've done a lot of tutting, dramatic gasping, and the odd slap on the driver's arm when he's just gone a bit too far. I've had one guy who was following my friend on his bike on the way back to the base, who got a bit confused, and followed another bike, right off the road and down a steep dusty hill, which we then had to come back up, and I thought I was going to fall off the back. One guy ran out of petrol, so we freewheeled down the hill glided silently into the petrol station laughing our heads off. Plenty of times, we have only just made it to the petrol station and the engine just stops which is quite comical. One of the funny sights here is the driver pushing his bike along the road, and a woman (the passenger) storming along behind him on their way to the petrol station. Yeah, it's always fun on the motos, and although they are more expensive than the bus, they are still relatively cheap which is a bonus.
I think that's enough storytelling for just now, I'm running out of interesting words to use and also running out of wit to keep this entry amusing enough! Today it has rained all morning and there is a bit of a nip in the air, so the socks and flip flop combination is making an appearance. Have a sweet day wherever you are in the world...
Laters
Thursday, September 9
Hopeless Romantic
Almost every girl dreams about it, and I am no exception. Snow White was my first disney movie, and as soon as end credits rolled on, I was on a mission. Even at age 5 or whatever, I believed my Prince Charming was out there. And I needed to find him...
Throughout life, it has not taken much to make me swoon or go weak at the knees. It sounds shallow, but at the time, felt like the most romantic thing. A little weed flower picked off the side of the road just for me, an anonymous card through the letterbox on Valentine's Day (which I later found out was my grandmother), having amazing things in common, like knowing random nature facts (collective nouns are a favourite of mine) or sharing a fear of the toaster when it pops. Meeting someone else who has watched the Natural World episode on army ants more than once and is not afriad to admit it (well, it's quite fascinating!). Knowing someone who's favourite colours in a pack of skittles or starburst is green and yellow, perfect for me, who can't stand them in my packet. Yeah, it all sounds pretty peachy, and these things were lovely when they happened. But really, they were never enough for me to know if the other person was really part of my whole future.
If you had asked me a few months ago when I wanted to get married. I would have very quickly told you that I was in fact ready to marry asap. Just give me the man and no problem. I was very ready indeed. However, over the last few months here in Rwanda, I have continually shown signs of not being ready for marriage, or even a relationship to be honest. I had a clear, but rather halting revelation that I am in fact too selfish to share my life just now. I'm not ready to wholly serve another person before myself, as I still quite enjoy only having to worry about myself most of the time. I certainly do not want some poor man to suffer with a selfish me either, that's just not very nice for him.
So here I am, currently unattached, and for the first time in my life, happy about that. I'm not looking for my Prince Charming, I've found all I need right now, in Jesus. And it's comforting to know that he is the perfect man for me at this time. And the only One I truly need. And he also does not react badly when my selfishness makes an appearance. Thank you Lord, for your endless grace! I am also thankful that He is a God who knows the way to His daughter's hearts...so I can happily carry on being a Hopeless Romantic for Him. Sigh.........
Throughout life, it has not taken much to make me swoon or go weak at the knees. It sounds shallow, but at the time, felt like the most romantic thing. A little weed flower picked off the side of the road just for me, an anonymous card through the letterbox on Valentine's Day (which I later found out was my grandmother), having amazing things in common, like knowing random nature facts (collective nouns are a favourite of mine) or sharing a fear of the toaster when it pops. Meeting someone else who has watched the Natural World episode on army ants more than once and is not afriad to admit it (well, it's quite fascinating!). Knowing someone who's favourite colours in a pack of skittles or starburst is green and yellow, perfect for me, who can't stand them in my packet. Yeah, it all sounds pretty peachy, and these things were lovely when they happened. But really, they were never enough for me to know if the other person was really part of my whole future.
If you had asked me a few months ago when I wanted to get married. I would have very quickly told you that I was in fact ready to marry asap. Just give me the man and no problem. I was very ready indeed. However, over the last few months here in Rwanda, I have continually shown signs of not being ready for marriage, or even a relationship to be honest. I had a clear, but rather halting revelation that I am in fact too selfish to share my life just now. I'm not ready to wholly serve another person before myself, as I still quite enjoy only having to worry about myself most of the time. I certainly do not want some poor man to suffer with a selfish me either, that's just not very nice for him.
So here I am, currently unattached, and for the first time in my life, happy about that. I'm not looking for my Prince Charming, I've found all I need right now, in Jesus. And it's comforting to know that he is the perfect man for me at this time. And the only One I truly need. And he also does not react badly when my selfishness makes an appearance. Thank you Lord, for your endless grace! I am also thankful that He is a God who knows the way to His daughter's hearts...so I can happily carry on being a Hopeless Romantic for Him. Sigh.........
Monday, September 6
Cast my cares where?! Are you sure?
It's a new day here in Kigali, we are having (yet another) holiday here in the country. There are SO many holidays here....ridiculous. I wonder how many weeks children actually spend in school in a whole year. However I'm not complaining about a day off...
The sun is shining this morning, after being absent for the last few days. The rains are here now, so there is much cloud in the sky and makes things a big muggy and stuffy during the day. Much nicer when the sun shows itself and I can spend a few minutes topping up the tan.
However, this morning, when I went for a chat with a lady on the staff, I looked out over the city and could only feel home in my heart. The last few days have actually been really difficult and home and friends have been on my mind almost constantly. I just feel quite disconnected with this continent recently, and questioning God on why I am even here sometimes. I had what you could probably call my official breakdown of the trip on Saturday night, wallowing in self pity, the hardships of my life and why everything feels like an immense struggle recently. After plenty of exasperated screams and sobs (which sounded ridiculous, even to my own ears) into my pillow I prayed. Why do I always do things back to front? I'm sure I could have avoided all of that palaver if I spoke to God from the beginning. Which I'm meant to do, but I always seem to favour dramatics first.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22
Yes Lord, I've heard this verse plenty times before, I thought to myself after I'd prayed. It's a nice verse, reassuring, comforting and holds promises. So why do I hesitate to let it play out in my life?! I have plenty of cares I would quite happily live without at the moment and would love someone to come and take them off my hands. But I realise, they don't get taken off my hands, they are given from my hands. It's me who makes the choice on who is going to call the shots in my life, and me who gives up my burdens to someone else. I always try and do it by my own strength, dismissing Him, but then fall flat on my face some time later, feeling pretty stupid. So today, and probably for the rest of my life, I am figuring out how to surrender my cares to the One who cares for me. I am figuring out how I can strengthen my own (faint) faith to truly believe that I will be forever sustained by the Lord. Can he really meet every need I have? Can he really be my best friend? Give better comfort than my beloved Mum? Can he give me relationship advice better than my girlfriends? Can he give me more joy than the gorgeous children I get to share my life with? Can he sweep me off my feet the way I hope my future husband will? In my head I say, yes. In my heart, I say....maybe. But the thing is, I need to let Him be those things. And that is what I am struggling with today. Pray with me, that we would allow God to be our everything. It is our choice to give Him control of our lives. I've seen it to be an amazing thing and dream of bring able to do that one day. He knows best, He brings out the best in me, and I want to be able to be all I can be for Him, because He cares for me.
As for questioning God on if this was really where I was meant to be. I knew the answer, even as I asked. This, undoubtedly is where I'm meant to be. He is using this place to work on me. And I need to stop resisting the challenges, but instead embrace them. Ok, here we go....
The sun is shining this morning, after being absent for the last few days. The rains are here now, so there is much cloud in the sky and makes things a big muggy and stuffy during the day. Much nicer when the sun shows itself and I can spend a few minutes topping up the tan.
However, this morning, when I went for a chat with a lady on the staff, I looked out over the city and could only feel home in my heart. The last few days have actually been really difficult and home and friends have been on my mind almost constantly. I just feel quite disconnected with this continent recently, and questioning God on why I am even here sometimes. I had what you could probably call my official breakdown of the trip on Saturday night, wallowing in self pity, the hardships of my life and why everything feels like an immense struggle recently. After plenty of exasperated screams and sobs (which sounded ridiculous, even to my own ears) into my pillow I prayed. Why do I always do things back to front? I'm sure I could have avoided all of that palaver if I spoke to God from the beginning. Which I'm meant to do, but I always seem to favour dramatics first.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22
Yes Lord, I've heard this verse plenty times before, I thought to myself after I'd prayed. It's a nice verse, reassuring, comforting and holds promises. So why do I hesitate to let it play out in my life?! I have plenty of cares I would quite happily live without at the moment and would love someone to come and take them off my hands. But I realise, they don't get taken off my hands, they are given from my hands. It's me who makes the choice on who is going to call the shots in my life, and me who gives up my burdens to someone else. I always try and do it by my own strength, dismissing Him, but then fall flat on my face some time later, feeling pretty stupid. So today, and probably for the rest of my life, I am figuring out how to surrender my cares to the One who cares for me. I am figuring out how I can strengthen my own (faint) faith to truly believe that I will be forever sustained by the Lord. Can he really meet every need I have? Can he really be my best friend? Give better comfort than my beloved Mum? Can he give me relationship advice better than my girlfriends? Can he give me more joy than the gorgeous children I get to share my life with? Can he sweep me off my feet the way I hope my future husband will? In my head I say, yes. In my heart, I say....maybe. But the thing is, I need to let Him be those things. And that is what I am struggling with today. Pray with me, that we would allow God to be our everything. It is our choice to give Him control of our lives. I've seen it to be an amazing thing and dream of bring able to do that one day. He knows best, He brings out the best in me, and I want to be able to be all I can be for Him, because He cares for me.
As for questioning God on if this was really where I was meant to be. I knew the answer, even as I asked. This, undoubtedly is where I'm meant to be. He is using this place to work on me. And I need to stop resisting the challenges, but instead embrace them. Ok, here we go....
Full Attention
These lyrics were sent to me by my gorgeous friend Poppy Daisy a few weeks ago. After struggling through loneliness and questioning God if this was really where He meant me to be, it was a blessing, and a kick up the arse regarding who I was listening to in my life, thanks Pops x
May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I
Oh, that I might bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love go deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Here's a pic of Pops and me a couple of years ago enjoying a meal out with some nice rose. She brings MUCH joy to my life, even after 11 years (or is it 12?!) she still makes me feel as if I'm about to wet myself from laughing so much!
May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I
Oh, that I might bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love go deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Here's a pic of Pops and me a couple of years ago enjoying a meal out with some nice rose. She brings MUCH joy to my life, even after 11 years (or is it 12?!) she still makes me feel as if I'm about to wet myself from laughing so much!
Saturday, September 4
The Best of Friends
Recently I have been thinking a lot about friendship. And my special friendships in particular. I don't have many friends…the real kind I mean. I have plenty of people I am affiliated with, but not many I can call my friend. There should be another word…in between acquaintance and friend…or between friend and soulmate. Post your suggestions if you have any. I can count on one hand the number of special people, who I call friends in my life, and it has been the same number for a few years now. I used to make no effort to find new friends as I was very happy with the ones I had thank you very much. And in some ways, I can't imagine adding another to my group. But don't get me wrong, I like meeting new people and adding someone to my friend's list of facebook, but it tends never to go much deeper than that. When I am away from home, I spend a lot of time evaluating my friendships. And evaluating how I myself do friendship. And to be honest, I have a lot of work to do!
I'm selfish.
This is not the first time I have felt convicted of it, and not the first time it has been pointed out to me. I love Jesus and I want Him to help me in all of my relationships. Psalm 139:23-24 says "Search me O God, and know my heart…See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting". If there is something not quite right in me, I want to know! And not carry on living in a way less than that which was destined for me, before I was even born. So I need to learn to be selfless, to be serving and to be wholeheartedly surrendered to Him. I'm sure my friends would also appreciate this.
I love my friends. I tell them often, in chats and messages. But I want to tell them, I really love them. They are part of my life. They are special people, picked out to be part of my journey. They are vessels God uses when I need a physical shoulder to cry on, they are there to gently remind me when I'm being petulant and ungrateful, they are there to share the joy, laughter and victories we have together in life. I need to take responsibility too. God has also placed me in their lives for a purpose. I want to live out that purpose fully, because I love them, and I know that He knows best.
So friends, you're amazing. A special treasure in my life. I wouldn't be without you. And I'm afraid you're stuck with me now! If you wound me, I'll forgive you. If you let me down, I'll give you a second chance. I am sorry for the times when I put myself before you, but I'm trying to change that. I read a great quote once that said "Friends bring out the best in eachother" and I hope that can be true with us.
"This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another." 1 John3:11
Friday, September 3
My Friend Phillipe
I'm not trying to overdo it with the blogging but since I have a minute (well I don't really, but I'm confused about the work I'm working on and want a break from thinking about formats and unreadable files) I though I would tell you a little about my friend Phillipe.
He works in the shop closest to the base here in Samuduha, Kabeza. We first met last year, when he had a very little shop, with not much in it apart from fanta and mandazi (sweet fried doughy thing - calorific) which suited me fine. And he put up with my friend Bethany and me practicing out our kinyarwanda on him. Now that I'm back, I go to his shop almost everyday! And he's upgraded and now has a rather expansive shop that sells everything. Yeah, I mean EVERYTHING!
Probably my top 5 purchases I buy from him are
1. Milk (in a carton and a straw)
2.Chocolate biscuits (like custard creams but chocolate)
3. Fanta Citron
4. Cadbury's Dairy Milk
5. Meat Samosa's
It's good fun and although he declares undying love everytime I go in, and it can be a bit awkward sometimes when he clasps his heart and swoons dramatically, I like him. Especially in his green regalia pictured here. His english is good (he knows how to write "I love you") and he still has patience with me and my kinyarwanda....which is seeming to be getting worse rather than better as I start the complicated things, and get everything back to front and confused, and letters in the wrong place. So here he is in his green kaftan (can men wear kaftans?) working it like a pro!
Let's get this sorted!
Apologies for the terrible blogging discipline I am severely lacking in, hopefully now I can start to make this a bit more exciting and you can keep up to date with more of my news!
Currently int he office waiting to go and grab my working visa from immigration. Lost count on the number of visits I've had there, and as I shared on my facebook - I am considering asking the immigration officer out for a coffee. We've known eachother almost 4 months now, I visit him often, we're well past the initial meeting stage, we've had our ups and downs together, I've seen him angry, he's seen me crying...he even smiled for me once and......oh news just in.....he just called me! See, it's time for coffee and to close the gap (or the desk) that has always been between us......
Haha, ok I'm joking but I do know him pretty well, and he has my number so who knows.....!
So it was a happy phone call, after months of trying and not quite succeeding in not being stressed, we have the working visa! Praise God!! Off to go and get it from immigration in Kacyiru.
Do you know, even though I travel by motorbike taxi here ALL the time, I enjoy every trip! Even on the buses too, I'm perfectly amused looking out the window and at the surroundings all the time...this never gets old!
Peace out
Currently int he office waiting to go and grab my working visa from immigration. Lost count on the number of visits I've had there, and as I shared on my facebook - I am considering asking the immigration officer out for a coffee. We've known eachother almost 4 months now, I visit him often, we're well past the initial meeting stage, we've had our ups and downs together, I've seen him angry, he's seen me crying...he even smiled for me once and......oh news just in.....he just called me! See, it's time for coffee and to close the gap (or the desk) that has always been between us......
Haha, ok I'm joking but I do know him pretty well, and he has my number so who knows.....!
So it was a happy phone call, after months of trying and not quite succeeding in not being stressed, we have the working visa! Praise God!! Off to go and get it from immigration in Kacyiru.
Do you know, even though I travel by motorbike taxi here ALL the time, I enjoy every trip! Even on the buses too, I'm perfectly amused looking out the window and at the surroundings all the time...this never gets old!
Peace out
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