I Have Not Words

Yesterday, we had worship at the base in the morning. Three groups all looking at different parts of God's character. The group I was with was looking at His Love, and that He is Love. We had some time to think about it ourselves first, and this really was the first time in a long time that I have felt like I met God, or He met me, just where I was.


So this post is not going to be long, because I cannot really find words to describe Him and His love. 
His love cannot be compared to anything we know, even a mother's love for her child doesn't even come close. His love exists outside of our human understanding, so nothing we could ever imagine could measure up to who He is. 


Wow! 


His love has been there for always. Even before time, and will remain for us forever. God was the one who created time, so He cannot be part of time, He is Ageless One, Unchanging, Alpha and Omega, and so is His love.


Love is who He is, who we are called to worship. So today I am turning my face and my selfish ambitions towards Him. 


Hallelujah

Nine

So today is the 17^th of October, and that means that in just nine days, I will be leaving Rwanda for a little while and get back to Scotland for some special time. In honour of my nine sweet days I will now name nine things I need to get done before I leave Rwanda. I’m thinking that if I write them on my blog, I can be somehow accountable to it hmm.

1.I will go to Kimironko market and buy the gifts I need to get there. Like bright fabrics and baskets, some nice jewellery from my friend Gorette who works very hard on her pieces. I’ll also get myself some nice fabric, as I have an idea for my going home outfit which will annoy me if I don’t do it. Yes, it’s true, I stay awake at night planning what I will wear to travel home in. Also, for that matter, I plan what I’m going to wear that day before I get out of bed.

2. I need to decorate the DTS classroom for the next school starting in January. I have ONE WEEK to do this and I WILL complete it! I have a few ideas but am trying to put them all together at the moment. I think the key is not to worry too much. Breathe in. Breathe out.

3. I need to sort out all the stuff (crap) that’s under my bed. I’m really not looking forward to that,

4. Looking up, I need to spend a day at the spa in Serena Hotel with Ruthie. With sauna and hot showers *drool*

5. I will have one big trip into town with my big bag, and get the gifts I need to get from there. Then I will go to Bourbon coffee and have TWO Iced White Mochas as I ogle my goodies.

6.I should skype with people before I get back. Mam, Karen, Poppy, maybe Shmeeglet, that would be nice, yes.

7.Hmm I’m kind of running out of things, maybe this week will be a bit less hectic than originally thought.  I need to do some admin/website work for sure, and make sure I have all the right documents for keeping the work going when I’m home. I’m actually already not really looking forward to dong website stuff when I get home, hmph, maybe should pray about that attitude.

8.I should maybe do some ab exercises for full body impact when I get back…….I like this idea but I will tell you now, this will not happen, I’ll just go easy on the mochas….or not….

9.Write a to do list and pin it on my mirror. Then feel smug and productive every time I cross something off

Enjoy the next nine days everyone

Gikotori

As most of you know, I have been in Bukora, Eastern Rwanda for the last week visiting the current DTS on their outreach. I had an awesome time, and will blog more about the whole trip soon. But first, I wanted to do a special blog for a very special little girl. My eyes are already filling up as I write this....OK, now the tears are falling....


I did my own DTS outreach in Bukora last year for a couple of months, and during that time, God brought the most beautiful, precious gift into my life. Her name is Gikotori Queenie Jessica, she is 5 years old and lives out East in a small rural area known as Bukora. It is only by God's grace that I was blessed to have this girl as part of my life, and I can tell you now, hand on heart, that I have thought about her every day since the first time I met her.


She is pretty feisty, and holds her own against all the bigger kids, and bosses around everyone else. Her personality is totally unique and she is one of the most charismatic children I know. She sings beautifully, dances like no one else and has an incredibly cute lisp that shows itself in her z's and s's. She calls me her muzungu and won't stand for it when another kid wants to hold my hand or sit on my lap or stand next to me. When she visits the house in the morning she calls me by my kinyarwanda name Umugwaneza, and I am never sad to see her. She has these cute little feet, where her toes have not developed properly, but recently has aquired one toenail on her little toe of her left foot. Needless to say, it was painted bright pink and shown off to anyone who would look. Every moment I know is precious, because I never know how much longer I will have her in my life.


This past week, I was with her for four amazing days, and I will remember them forever. I bought her a beautiful little blue dress and some lollipops which she went crazy for, I also left her with a nice pink flower to clip onto her clothes too. One nice surprise was her and her brother, Steven turning up at the church we went to for ministry on Sunday (after following us on a 30 minute walk to the place we were at) so I had some amusement during the four hour service with her on my lap.


However, this is the sad bit. After an amazing year knowing her, she will not be part of my Bukora visits  anymore. Her family will be moving to Tanzania in November, and the chances of them returning are very slim, as there will be not much reason for them to come back and visit Bukora. On the last day there, her Dad visited me in the morning, and asked for a word with me with Bebe helping to translate. He greeted me and we went to sit at a quiet spot under the banana tree in the back garden. He told me that he had watched me with Gikoto for the time we were together and could see how much I loved her and how much she loved me. He said that the way I cared for her and loved her was greater than the way him and his wife did. That everyday, she wanted to be me and when she came back when it got dark she was excited for it to be light again so she could come back to our house. He told me that because of this, he wanted me to take her as my own child, as it would be better for her in not having to say goodbye all the time, and spending our time apart waiting for me. I can't even begin to describe how this broke my heart; to have a child's father offer them to someone else for nothing in return. To be able to give up such a precious gift from God should not be possible. By this time, I was crying and could only tell him that I was young, and not ready to take on a child, and practically, it is not possible to adopt a child when their parents are still alive and able to care for them. I told him that God had blessed his family with a very special gift, that was not meant for anyone else but them. I told him that this little girl had changed my way of thinking, she had taught me about love and responsibility, and looking after my own children, but of course, I could not take her. But I would be back to visit as often as I could to see her and I was praying God would make regular visits and even some sort of support possible. This is when he broke it to me that they were planning to go to Tanzania the following month. 


All I can say is that I am heartbroken. Was that honestly the last time I will ever be with her? Did God only intend for us to have such a short time together? What is His plan now for all of our lives? Maybe I sound overly emotional or I am being a bit dramatic, but I mean every word. Is it possible to love a child more than their own parents? Can a parent really give up their youngest daughter? Will I see her again? Will they really go to Tanzania? There are so many questions that can't possibly have any answers, and I think all I can do now is pray and pray and keep on praying that this is not the end of it all. 










Father God,


I thank you that you are a good God. You are faithful and kind and true and you gave me a special gift for such a time as this. Teach me Your ways, because they are higher than mine and your plans are bigger and have more reason than my human understanding. 
I pray your protection on Gikotori, and I pray that you would expand her parent's hearts to love her unconditionally and to strive for the best life for her, wherever she goes. 


I simply pray that this is not the end, that I will see her again, you know my heart's desires, and I entrust them to you.


In the name of Jesus Christ, the one who died for all of us and rescued me from a life worth nothing and gave me new life, rich in hope and promises.


Amen

Two Hot Birds

So, we have a pair of gorgeous birds at the base, actual birds!
They are Crowned Cranes,  and the national bird of Uganda, and features on the flag, pretty special. They're shy and run away if you try and get close, so I don't have a decent picture myself yet. They wander around the base night and day, a nice touch.


However, I was not lovin' them last night. They took a walk down to the block where the staff stay. They look pretty, but looks can be deceiving, you should hear the noise they make. It is so unattractive, kind of a cross between a duck and a goose. Not appealing, especially when one is trying to get some shut eye.


Here is a picture of one of the beauts

Possessing Integrity

follow the signs

Possess - Have as belonging to one
Integrity - The quality of being honest; moral uprightness; the state of being whole and undivided; the condition of being unified or unimpaired; internal consistency


A challenging calling that He has asked of us thats on my heart today....

Joyful Joyful

I listen to music a lot here. I'm on my computer for the stuff I'm working on just now, so have my iTunes bubbling away in the background the whole time. New guy I've never listened to is Jon Foreman, don't know anything about him, apart from I love his music! My favourite song from his fall/winter album is White as Snow. It's a great piece of music, and the lyrics are beautiful. They have inspired me for my next blog entry, which is taking on a slightly more serious feel this time. No rockstar aviators and hot singers in this one. (note to self: go and check if Jon Foreman is a hottie)
So in the chorus of the song, the lyrics say


Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God Restore in me the joy of my salvation


Yeah so the "restore in me" part has been on my heart some this afternoon and into the evening. I checked the dictionary definition for restore: to bring back or return something previously stolen, taken away or lost. 


Looking at joy makes me think about my friends. Most of you will be well aware that when my friends and I get going, the laughter can go on for a long time. Now I have a good laugh with all of my friends, but a special mention needs to be given to Poppy, who I have laughed hard with for over ten years now. One of the funniest things we did, which is so immature, but I'm going to write it anyway was one year when we were maybe 15 and 16 and we were in St. Andrews at a christian event for a week in the summer. (I'll just mention here that as well as laughing together, we also had intense arguments, ridiculous fallouts and an immeasurable level of stropping in between!) Anyway, we sat on a bench outside of Sue Ryder charity shop for hours throwing sticky Berties ( the little blue man in liquorice allsorts) on the ground and nearly dying of laughter when some poor person, who never did anything against us got one stuck on their shoe and carried Bertie off into another part of town. I know you had to be there, I quite agree but this is something that we can still get carried away with and laugh about. So yes, there is much joy with Poppy. Thank you Popadom :)


But anyway, the joy that comes from the Lord is different. It goes deeper and breaks down walls in our hearts. It gives us His strength to do life, even when it gets a bit tough. It's a pretty special gift, and needs to be guarded. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. And taking someone's joy sounds like a good way to start an attack to me. We carry joy in our hearts, where we carry all of our feelings. We are called to guard our hearts, but I can't remember the last time I thought to check my heart was guarded. Oops. Not guarding our hearts it like opening ourselves up to all of the elements coming towards us. Yes, of course our hearts should be open for Him, to receive His promises, His precious words, His calls and convictions. He will never bring any harm to us. But there is the enemy ready to give too. Always ready to give out the bad things. And I've been leaving the door wide open for him! Time to start closing it and giving God the key.


Being joyful is a choice though. And every morning when I wake up, I try and remember to be joyful in whatever will come my way today.It's getting easier, and I am beginning to see the bigger picture (God) a lot more as I let Him take centre stage in my life, rather than myself. (Although I do still like to take to the spotlight every so often) I have definitely been surprised and very thankful when I find myself checking before I launch into my (wrong) words and actions recently. Sometimes I stop and think "Are we actually going through this all over again God?" I thought I'd got the christian lifestyle sussed out by now, but it seems like God is taking me back to the basics again. But that can only be a good thing right? 


Now I can see that I have indeed been getting robbed by the enemy, but so subtly that I didn't even know it was happening. Now I'm left standing here with not very much to fight with. It's like being a soldier who joined the army, got all of his gear and training and weapons and after travelling to the battle, finds himself standing there with nothing in his hands, and nothing in his backpack. Crap. 


However, the good news is that everything, including my joy can be restored, thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus, that you died so that I could live, and live a full, rich, abundant life with everything I need! Now I am praying that God would make me a bit like Joshua. Taking the land and claiming it as I walk upon it. Apart from instead of land, it's my story with Christ. As I walk with Him, I will claim every new discovery and gift as a present from Him, as my inheritance as his daughter. And I'll hold fast to them! Guarding my heart and letting God watch my back.


When I think about Him, I am almost swept away. It makes me wish I did it more regularly....like everyday. But that's another choice. Hmmm decisions decisions.......... 








"Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses......as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Joshua 1