Can you keep a secret?

I have not often shared my long term vision on dreams on this blog. I’ve actually not shared them often to anyone. Sometimes those dreams seem so big, and far away, I forget about them for a while, as I live away the present. However, recently I have realised the future is coming! And perhaps coming up quicker than I thought.

In the past, God has left things ‘til the very last minute with me. Revealing His plans just before I had to live them out. It was exciting, fast paced and incredibly faith strengthening as He poured out provision and confirmation that I was walking in His path.

Now, it seems that the future is coming, my vision is growing and God is whispering in my ear. I know that He is gently calling me back to Scotland, and I can sense that He is being gracious with time and letting it sink in, that maybe I will not be back in Africa (for an extended stay) for some time. It hurts my heart to think of leaving without knowing when I’ll be back, but I have the same faith I had two years ago, when I last left Rwanda, that my work here is not finished. Seasons change, and so does my walk with God. I am happier to adventure down a river with twists and turns than to stand in a stagnant pond with nothing new approaching me.

I have grown so greatly in the last year. I can feel a new attitude and perspective towards life has taken root and is being strengthened with each new situation I face. In the past few months, I have been blessed to live alongside individuals and families with beautiful visions for the future. As people share their dreams, I feel swept away too, and find myself imagining being part of them. Most of these visions exist outside of YWAM which is more signal that my time here is also coming to an end. These visions are SO “of God” and I pray that as steps are taken towards them, He would breathe His life upon them.

I know that God has given me my own personal desires and vision, which He has been adding to over the last few months. Signs of shared visions and hopes for the future have encouraged me to keep pressing into His plan. One of the main things I feel now, is that I will not be alone in my future. God is already preparing someone to do life with me. And for me to do life with him. I’m praying now for that guy, that his heart would be like mine, and we can share God’s perfect plan together. This is the surprise! I actually do not have a desire to be married right now, honestly! So then, I’m asking God what He is up to. I can only trust Him and begin to grasp the slightest understanding of how He works,

Right now, it is only a whisper, a rumour of what is to come. So I am quietly responding and obeying the One who knows me and knows what is to come.

Bittersweet

Hello Everyone!

I thought it was about time for a wee update on my girl Gikotori. I know a lot of you have been asking about my time with her and what plans are now, so here’s your update!

We had organised for her to be here in Kigali last Tuesday night. Her mum would drop her off and pick her up a couple days later. Due to problems on the border Tuesday became Friday, and a couple of nights became a few,

It was SO amazing to see her again! After so many dreams about ever seeing her again, the time was a real gift from God. It was a surprise when she arrived too. Straight after a bit of an emotionally charged staff meeting, I was feeling a bit on edge, then she just walked into the door with Celestin. So many happy tears and smiles. For those who don’t know, I met her when I was on my DTS outreach 2 years ago in Bukora. She is now a beautiful, amazing five year old girl. She moved to Tanzania with her family last October.  We had a great weekend, going into town for some milk at Bourbon coffee, a trip to the market for a new outfit and lots of snuggles looking at pictures and watching movies (which she actually just chatted the whole way through).

She was a wee bit ill the second day. As she only drinks milk in TZ, they do no cooking. And even plain food like bread and rice was upsetting her wee tummy. So we chilled out that day in bed with lots of water and cuddles. This was when we pushed back her pick up time, as she needed the rest. The day she left was sad and happy. Sad because I had loved looking after her and spoiling her a wee bit, but happy as it had been organised that she would stay with her aunt here in Kigali for some time and then go to school.

The next day, Gikotori was back and very sick. It was an awkward situation, where there was no time to think and a bit confusing. Her aunt told us she could not look after her. She had just come from the doctor who had found malaria and Giko was being sick when she arrived. The aunt told us she had no time to get her better but had the medicine from the pharmacy. Of course, I took her, and put her into bed with medicine and water, she fell asleep straight away. Then we had a right hoo ha with the base leadership as I had not consulted anyone before I took her from the aunt. This was the beginning of a difficult situation where I felt completely out of my depth. I now had an ill child in my bed, with no one wanting to care for her, and voices in my ears telling me to give her back to an aunt because “we have a policy” on children. It was really challenging, and even now I feel hurt about the way she was spoken about. As a problem, and not a little girl.

That night, we found the aunt who she was meant to stay with. At first I was apprehensive for her to go anywhere with people she hadn’t met. And I was worried that the situation waiting for her at her aunts would not be good for her. Celestin visited the family who are friendly, godly, and have much more money than many people I know. They had not understood that they would be looking after G, and so were hesitant to take her. But it was agreed she should go to them the next morning when she was feeling better. We took her. She was sad and crying but what else can you do? They are her family and could look after her, for now anyway. They asked a lot of me, money wise, which I cannot give, and things were kind of left in the balance.

I visited her yesterday, after 3 days being away in Bukora again. She was happy and well and back to her usual chatty self. As far as the situation goes, I don’t know where it is going. From what I can gather, it is either boarding school or back to Tanzania. I really don’t want either for her.

Life in TZ was harder and tougher than I had imagined. When they said they were moving, I thought it would be a benefit for the family. Unfortunately it has not bode so well for the five kids. The parents are gone all day. Five kids alone all day, no school fees so no education. Living in the forest in the bush, not near any other houses or community. No cooking, only milk to drink. Sleeping in the dust with no mattress or mosquito net. Wild animals around. Her brother, Steven was bitten by a wild dog during the night last week. The situation from my point of view is awful. But I know there are thousands and thousands of children living that way in Africa and all over the world. Knowing one personally seems to make it hit home a whole lot harder. And then for her to go to boarding school breaks my heart. At five years old without a family environment, and in a boarding school, where I know can be dangerous.

Now I am in a helpless position. I could give her love but not a family. Or she can be with a family, without the love that she deserves. I understand, she is not my daughter. I understand people think that I have money to pay for the world if necessary. And I understand it is not my responsibility to look after her now. People I have spoken to back home have a lot to say, but with all due respect, everything is ten times more intense, frustrating, confusing and completely crazy here where it is happening. My head spins when I think about it. I feel like crying whenever I visit her as her future is so uncertain. I really love her so much, and although we don’t speak the same language, I am blessed by God for such a person in my life. It is hard for me to talk so much about her when I am at home, as I feel it is hard for anyone else to understand, which I guess can be a bit selfish or prideful of me, and I am just a bit protective about my memories and love for her.

Please, if you know Jesus or not, pray for her. Pray for the children in Africa in helpless situations. And pray for me.

Sorry if this blog sounds really down, or sad. The time I have with her is sweet but the time when I am left with my thoughts is painful.

“I wish you could put your English in me, and I would put my Kinyarwanda in you.”

Gikotori Jessica

Akagera Wild Weekend

adventure |adˈven ch ər; əd-|nounan unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity

It’s a couple of weeks overdue, but I did say that I would write a blog about our adventurous weekend out in Eastern Rwanda at Akagera National Game Park. It truly was an amazing wee break away for me and the lovely Lauren and the weekend of rest felt like a week’s worth and we returned to Kigali feeling relaxed and refreshed. Of course, it was not peachy the whole time, and as two young girls zooming off in their own hired 4x4 for 3 days, a few crazy things were bound to happen.

So here, I will try and include our finest (maybe not proudest) moments over the weekend!

Friday morning did not begin as planned (our organisation was probably too good to be true anyway). Unfortunately, our friend Elias, who we were hiring a Toyata Rav 4 from, had an accident late Thursday night and the car was not drivable. We were up at 6am crawling through kigalilife, an online advertising and general information forum trying to find someone else to rent from. Finally, at 6:30, we had another car, from a man called Placide. We ate mango and yoghurt for breakfast which was such a treat, the mangos tasted better than any we have had yet! The car arrives. I go to the gate to get it, left hand drive, automatic, white and SO cool! I took the keys, and tried to appear very mature, as if I drove such nice cars all the time. Anyway, the driver left and I bumped down the drive into the base, feeling very suave and smug. We loaded up the car with our picnic (biscuits and chocolate) and were off to our first stop – Bourbon Coffee! OK, it was still in Kigali, but I needed a chance to get used to driving on the other side of the car. We often borrow Papa Joy’s old Corolla for going out for dinner in the evenings, or when we have something heavy to bring back from town, but that is right hand drive, and has never been too different. Lauren got the sharp intake of breath down to a tee, so I knew when I was almost hitting something(one). We grabbed two Iced White Mochas, hopped back into the car and headed back to the road that leads to Kayonza, and then on to Uganda (left at the roundabout) or Tanzania (right, where we were heading).

After approximately 5 minutes, we both needed the toilet, but carried on telling ourselves it was all in our heads as we headed out of the city into the big windy roads, hills and tea plantations. It is SO beautiful, even just as you head out of town and the green, lush countryside is refreshing after the big smoke. We had no problems with roadblocks, or getting stopped (despite the speedometer not working) or accidents. We made it to Kayonza after a couple of hours (both bursting) and pulled up to the petrol station for toilet and snacks. We bought some bananas and more biscuits and carried on down the road towards TZ. We turned off the main road towards Akagera, which is 28km of red, dirt road. VERY exciting to say the least and we documented the change of terrain in one of our videos to chronicle our whole trip. We met Placide (as he was on his way back from the park) to say hello and let him see that we weren’t completely mad. He was nice, but he had a hoody on that said “I love butterflies” and Lauren was a bit freaked out. Anyway, half an hour more of the track, and waving to the kiddies along the way, we were crossing under the Akagera Game Park archway (another video). As if we couldn’t stand any more excitement we saw two baboons on the way up to the lodge. We have kind of different views on them. I hate them, and liken them to horrible, big, vicious dogs. And Lauren loves them. So my window went up and hers went down (until I found the control button on my side for all the windows) and she ogled, while I shivered at the exciting sight of our fist “ibisimba” or wild animal.

Then, in all it’s glory, Akagera Game Lodge appeared. We could almost hear the heavenly chorus as we pulled up into the car park and dragged our very windswept selves into reception. We were then showed to our room. Our room! Massive bed, countless pillows, balcony, TV, electricity, bedside lamp, and the best – BATHROOM! Hello flushing toilet, hot shower and bathtub! Well we were so overcome with it all, we just collapsed into the bed (took a video) and watched a movie, at 1 in the afternoon. We couldn’t stop laughing for the initial few minutes, as we couldn’t believe we had actually made it and were there! Wait, we did try to eat lunch on the balcony first, but got chased back inside by the guard, who told us off for bringing food outside as it encouraged the baboons, so we ate in bed. Lauren wasn’t impressed (video). We woke up and went to sort out our safari for the next day down at the other reception. It was SO cheap, and brilliant value for money. We paid under £40 for both of us, the car and a guide (which doesn’t cost, you just tip) for as long as we wanted in the park, and planned to head back down the next morning around half 6. Back to the lodge, we jumped on the bed and spruced up a bit for dinner. Stuffed our faces and watched the warthog and waterbuck come to drink at the water hole near the lodge and then back to our room, which we never liked to leave for too long. The bath was running, the bubbles were foaming, Mamma Mia was ready to play and we were in our bikinis. A-MA-ZING. Then we went to bed, around 9 and had the best sleep either of us has had since we arrived.

Up we got the next day, at 5:45 and went to breakfast to stuff our faces again with all the complimentary goodies. Omelettes, fruit, coffee, juice, cereal…we were very satisfied by the end of it and rolled down to safari reception at around 7. Our guide for the day was Sa’id. He is from Burundi but has worked in the park for 6 years and was such a nice guy.

This next part is too long so I’ll bullet point the significant things that occurred over the course of the day.

-       after being asked how long we wanted to spend in the park, we decided on 6 hours, which would take us from south all the way to the north through the foresty areas, past the lakes, and the plains, so we would see as much as possible.

-       The park is ALL off road on dirt tracks, and every other terrain you can think of, so I got in a bit of practice in 4x4 driving, and we soon realised we needed to start praying we were not going to do any damage to the car.

-       BEAUTIFUL view of the first Lake where we saw a hippo and lots of big white birds, which I can’t remember the name of. Also the beginning of a very nasty relationship with us and horseflies. Seriously, why are they on this planet? Lauren was the only one to get bitten, which she was very disappointed about (until one bit me twice on the foot while we were driving) and we soon had the windows closed, air con on and twenty big flies squashed around various windows in the car.

-       Over the first few hours, we saw Nile Crocs, more hippos, baboons (gag), so many birds, waterbuck, impala and velvet monkeys.

-       The big “Hoo Ha” happened about 3.5 hours into the day when Sa’id (yes, it was his fault) told us to look to the left to see the highest point of the park. We were going over a particularly rocky bit of road and before we knew what was happening, Lauren was practically on my lap after a VERY big bump to the right hand side of the car. Oh, gosh it sounded awful and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. We drove on a wee bit and then stopped to inspect the damage. First of all, Lauren had proper smacked herself into the handbrake and whatever else was inbetween us and had a very sore bum, and the car, named Ralph, had a completely bent footbar on the right. I mean, that rock just came out of no where and charged. You have to look out for these things on a safari you see.

-       We had a lot of fun charging through big puddles. Until the floor was wet.

-       We hit the plains, and Sa’id told me just to take the car off the track and over the grass until we got close enough to giraffes to get a nice picture. Totally felt like we were in the Lion King. Massive herd of buffalo with little white birds all over them and about 10 giraffes scattered around. We got close to a group of 3 and got beautiful photos, they are such beautiful animals, and SO graceful and elegant, even when they break into a canter. We also saw plenty of zebra (my favourite) and more antelope breeds across the plain.

-       The whole drive through the park turned into about 6 hours, and then we needed to get back to the lodge along the main road again. All together, I drove for 9 hours that day. But it was well worth it, and we had such a great time. I thoroughly recommend driving through it yourself, taking it at your own pace and enjoying every part! Would love to go back and do it again with my Dad, maybe next time in a slightly bigger 4x4!

We were absolutely knackered by the time we got in. We had showers and food and movies and then more sleep with a glorious lie in on the Sunday until half 9! Beautiful! Ralph had a wash too, as he was not white anymore and we hit the road at around 11 and headed back to Kigali with the music going, the windows down, and only our toilet and banana stop in Kayonza. It really is a pretty sweet life here sometimes, and it’s nice to reflect on how blessed I am to have the opportunity to do something cool like this, and someone even cooler to do it with while I’m here!

We finished the weekend with a coffee in Bourbon, and then an Indian meal at Khana Kazana, a really good place to eat in town. After informing Placide about the bad news, we were kind of dreading seeing him and giving the car back. So, just to make it better, something fell off the front as we were reversing out of the Indian. Ugh! Then Placide told us he would prefer to see it the next morning in the daylight, ahh cringe! We hardly slept that night, but thankfully it was not a big deal in the morning, and we just gave him an extra 20 quid to cover damages. I mean, we’ve seen plenty of Rav 4’s with no footbars, OR front bars. He really shouldn’t try and posh up the car so much. It’s probably the last we’ll see of Ralph, but it was a great time.

So, I would recommend a trip to Akagera. Even though there is not so much big game like the cats and elephants (which we on the other side of the lakes when we were there) it really was a great experience which I hope I can do again one day, maybe when my Dad comes out.

Here I am with the feather of one of my beloved, guinea fouls:

Hope that everyone back home is having adventures too!