Over the last couple of weeks, God has been really challenging me. And I feel like I have almost been hiding from His voice, in case I hear something I don't want to.
You see, I have this plan, and it's a wonderful plan, for the next wee chapter in my life. Go back to Scotland, get a nice wee flat, decorate it with Mum, do some nannying work, get a sausage dog pup and relax a bit in my home country, Scotland before taking off anywhere again, any time soon.
But recently, God has been challenging me on what, or who I am going home for. I realised that I had not let God into the picture, I had not even begun to consider how I will serve God while I am home, I had just covered my own needs, according to me anyway.
It get's better (or worse, I felt) when I was at church on Sunday. We sang a song with the line
"all of my ambitions, hopes and plans. I surrender these, into Your hands"
I couldn't sing it, my heart wouldn't let me. How do I really give everything to God? My whole life. My dreams. My desires. My own plans. It's really difficult, and I don't feel ready for that yet. I feel like I'm not ready to obey God if He doesn't call me back to Scotland this summer. Maybe you could pray for me, that I would pray without fear of His plan. Because I know that's not the way it is supposed to work. Maybe first, I need to pray about surrender, then worry about where I'm going in a few months.
In the mean time, I am having the most amazing time in Rwanda again. Feeling settled and at home in a way I have never felt before. I think the challenges and obstacles I got over last year have really prepared me for this time. And I thank God that He really did an amazing work in me last year, and has equipped me for the job at hand now.
This country, these people, this life is beautiful and it is a huge blessings to me that God chose this as part of His plan for me. I believe he has the best for me now, but what about my future...
