I Have Not Words

Yesterday, we had worship at the base in the morning. Three groups all looking at different parts of God's character. The group I was with was looking at His Love, and that He is Love. We had some time to think about it ourselves first, and this really was the first time in a long time that I have felt like I met God, or He met me, just where I was.


So this post is not going to be long, because I cannot really find words to describe Him and His love. 
His love cannot be compared to anything we know, even a mother's love for her child doesn't even come close. His love exists outside of our human understanding, so nothing we could ever imagine could measure up to who He is. 


Wow! 


His love has been there for always. Even before time, and will remain for us forever. God was the one who created time, so He cannot be part of time, He is Ageless One, Unchanging, Alpha and Omega, and so is His love.


Love is who He is, who we are called to worship. So today I am turning my face and my selfish ambitions towards Him. 


Hallelujah

Nine

So today is the 17^th of October, and that means that in just nine days, I will be leaving Rwanda for a little while and get back to Scotland for some special time. In honour of my nine sweet days I will now name nine things I need to get done before I leave Rwanda. I’m thinking that if I write them on my blog, I can be somehow accountable to it hmm.

1.I will go to Kimironko market and buy the gifts I need to get there. Like bright fabrics and baskets, some nice jewellery from my friend Gorette who works very hard on her pieces. I’ll also get myself some nice fabric, as I have an idea for my going home outfit which will annoy me if I don’t do it. Yes, it’s true, I stay awake at night planning what I will wear to travel home in. Also, for that matter, I plan what I’m going to wear that day before I get out of bed.

2. I need to decorate the DTS classroom for the next school starting in January. I have ONE WEEK to do this and I WILL complete it! I have a few ideas but am trying to put them all together at the moment. I think the key is not to worry too much. Breathe in. Breathe out.

3. I need to sort out all the stuff (crap) that’s under my bed. I’m really not looking forward to that,

4. Looking up, I need to spend a day at the spa in Serena Hotel with Ruthie. With sauna and hot showers *drool*

5. I will have one big trip into town with my big bag, and get the gifts I need to get from there. Then I will go to Bourbon coffee and have TWO Iced White Mochas as I ogle my goodies.

6.I should skype with people before I get back. Mam, Karen, Poppy, maybe Shmeeglet, that would be nice, yes.

7.Hmm I’m kind of running out of things, maybe this week will be a bit less hectic than originally thought.  I need to do some admin/website work for sure, and make sure I have all the right documents for keeping the work going when I’m home. I’m actually already not really looking forward to dong website stuff when I get home, hmph, maybe should pray about that attitude.

8.I should maybe do some ab exercises for full body impact when I get back…….I like this idea but I will tell you now, this will not happen, I’ll just go easy on the mochas….or not….

9.Write a to do list and pin it on my mirror. Then feel smug and productive every time I cross something off

Enjoy the next nine days everyone

Gikotori

As most of you know, I have been in Bukora, Eastern Rwanda for the last week visiting the current DTS on their outreach. I had an awesome time, and will blog more about the whole trip soon. But first, I wanted to do a special blog for a very special little girl. My eyes are already filling up as I write this....OK, now the tears are falling....


I did my own DTS outreach in Bukora last year for a couple of months, and during that time, God brought the most beautiful, precious gift into my life. Her name is Gikotori Queenie Jessica, she is 5 years old and lives out East in a small rural area known as Bukora. It is only by God's grace that I was blessed to have this girl as part of my life, and I can tell you now, hand on heart, that I have thought about her every day since the first time I met her.


She is pretty feisty, and holds her own against all the bigger kids, and bosses around everyone else. Her personality is totally unique and she is one of the most charismatic children I know. She sings beautifully, dances like no one else and has an incredibly cute lisp that shows itself in her z's and s's. She calls me her muzungu and won't stand for it when another kid wants to hold my hand or sit on my lap or stand next to me. When she visits the house in the morning she calls me by my kinyarwanda name Umugwaneza, and I am never sad to see her. She has these cute little feet, where her toes have not developed properly, but recently has aquired one toenail on her little toe of her left foot. Needless to say, it was painted bright pink and shown off to anyone who would look. Every moment I know is precious, because I never know how much longer I will have her in my life.


This past week, I was with her for four amazing days, and I will remember them forever. I bought her a beautiful little blue dress and some lollipops which she went crazy for, I also left her with a nice pink flower to clip onto her clothes too. One nice surprise was her and her brother, Steven turning up at the church we went to for ministry on Sunday (after following us on a 30 minute walk to the place we were at) so I had some amusement during the four hour service with her on my lap.


However, this is the sad bit. After an amazing year knowing her, she will not be part of my Bukora visits  anymore. Her family will be moving to Tanzania in November, and the chances of them returning are very slim, as there will be not much reason for them to come back and visit Bukora. On the last day there, her Dad visited me in the morning, and asked for a word with me with Bebe helping to translate. He greeted me and we went to sit at a quiet spot under the banana tree in the back garden. He told me that he had watched me with Gikoto for the time we were together and could see how much I loved her and how much she loved me. He said that the way I cared for her and loved her was greater than the way him and his wife did. That everyday, she wanted to be me and when she came back when it got dark she was excited for it to be light again so she could come back to our house. He told me that because of this, he wanted me to take her as my own child, as it would be better for her in not having to say goodbye all the time, and spending our time apart waiting for me. I can't even begin to describe how this broke my heart; to have a child's father offer them to someone else for nothing in return. To be able to give up such a precious gift from God should not be possible. By this time, I was crying and could only tell him that I was young, and not ready to take on a child, and practically, it is not possible to adopt a child when their parents are still alive and able to care for them. I told him that God had blessed his family with a very special gift, that was not meant for anyone else but them. I told him that this little girl had changed my way of thinking, she had taught me about love and responsibility, and looking after my own children, but of course, I could not take her. But I would be back to visit as often as I could to see her and I was praying God would make regular visits and even some sort of support possible. This is when he broke it to me that they were planning to go to Tanzania the following month. 


All I can say is that I am heartbroken. Was that honestly the last time I will ever be with her? Did God only intend for us to have such a short time together? What is His plan now for all of our lives? Maybe I sound overly emotional or I am being a bit dramatic, but I mean every word. Is it possible to love a child more than their own parents? Can a parent really give up their youngest daughter? Will I see her again? Will they really go to Tanzania? There are so many questions that can't possibly have any answers, and I think all I can do now is pray and pray and keep on praying that this is not the end of it all. 










Father God,


I thank you that you are a good God. You are faithful and kind and true and you gave me a special gift for such a time as this. Teach me Your ways, because they are higher than mine and your plans are bigger and have more reason than my human understanding. 
I pray your protection on Gikotori, and I pray that you would expand her parent's hearts to love her unconditionally and to strive for the best life for her, wherever she goes. 


I simply pray that this is not the end, that I will see her again, you know my heart's desires, and I entrust them to you.


In the name of Jesus Christ, the one who died for all of us and rescued me from a life worth nothing and gave me new life, rich in hope and promises.


Amen

Two Hot Birds

So, we have a pair of gorgeous birds at the base, actual birds!
They are Crowned Cranes,  and the national bird of Uganda, and features on the flag, pretty special. They're shy and run away if you try and get close, so I don't have a decent picture myself yet. They wander around the base night and day, a nice touch.


However, I was not lovin' them last night. They took a walk down to the block where the staff stay. They look pretty, but looks can be deceiving, you should hear the noise they make. It is so unattractive, kind of a cross between a duck and a goose. Not appealing, especially when one is trying to get some shut eye.


Here is a picture of one of the beauts

Possessing Integrity

follow the signs

Possess - Have as belonging to one
Integrity - The quality of being honest; moral uprightness; the state of being whole and undivided; the condition of being unified or unimpaired; internal consistency


A challenging calling that He has asked of us thats on my heart today....

Joyful Joyful

I listen to music a lot here. I'm on my computer for the stuff I'm working on just now, so have my iTunes bubbling away in the background the whole time. New guy I've never listened to is Jon Foreman, don't know anything about him, apart from I love his music! My favourite song from his fall/winter album is White as Snow. It's a great piece of music, and the lyrics are beautiful. They have inspired me for my next blog entry, which is taking on a slightly more serious feel this time. No rockstar aviators and hot singers in this one. (note to self: go and check if Jon Foreman is a hottie)
So in the chorus of the song, the lyrics say


Would You create in me a clean heart, oh God Restore in me the joy of my salvation


Yeah so the "restore in me" part has been on my heart some this afternoon and into the evening. I checked the dictionary definition for restore: to bring back or return something previously stolen, taken away or lost. 


Looking at joy makes me think about my friends. Most of you will be well aware that when my friends and I get going, the laughter can go on for a long time. Now I have a good laugh with all of my friends, but a special mention needs to be given to Poppy, who I have laughed hard with for over ten years now. One of the funniest things we did, which is so immature, but I'm going to write it anyway was one year when we were maybe 15 and 16 and we were in St. Andrews at a christian event for a week in the summer. (I'll just mention here that as well as laughing together, we also had intense arguments, ridiculous fallouts and an immeasurable level of stropping in between!) Anyway, we sat on a bench outside of Sue Ryder charity shop for hours throwing sticky Berties ( the little blue man in liquorice allsorts) on the ground and nearly dying of laughter when some poor person, who never did anything against us got one stuck on their shoe and carried Bertie off into another part of town. I know you had to be there, I quite agree but this is something that we can still get carried away with and laugh about. So yes, there is much joy with Poppy. Thank you Popadom :)


But anyway, the joy that comes from the Lord is different. It goes deeper and breaks down walls in our hearts. It gives us His strength to do life, even when it gets a bit tough. It's a pretty special gift, and needs to be guarded. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. And taking someone's joy sounds like a good way to start an attack to me. We carry joy in our hearts, where we carry all of our feelings. We are called to guard our hearts, but I can't remember the last time I thought to check my heart was guarded. Oops. Not guarding our hearts it like opening ourselves up to all of the elements coming towards us. Yes, of course our hearts should be open for Him, to receive His promises, His precious words, His calls and convictions. He will never bring any harm to us. But there is the enemy ready to give too. Always ready to give out the bad things. And I've been leaving the door wide open for him! Time to start closing it and giving God the key.


Being joyful is a choice though. And every morning when I wake up, I try and remember to be joyful in whatever will come my way today.It's getting easier, and I am beginning to see the bigger picture (God) a lot more as I let Him take centre stage in my life, rather than myself. (Although I do still like to take to the spotlight every so often) I have definitely been surprised and very thankful when I find myself checking before I launch into my (wrong) words and actions recently. Sometimes I stop and think "Are we actually going through this all over again God?" I thought I'd got the christian lifestyle sussed out by now, but it seems like God is taking me back to the basics again. But that can only be a good thing right? 


Now I can see that I have indeed been getting robbed by the enemy, but so subtly that I didn't even know it was happening. Now I'm left standing here with not very much to fight with. It's like being a soldier who joined the army, got all of his gear and training and weapons and after travelling to the battle, finds himself standing there with nothing in his hands, and nothing in his backpack. Crap. 


However, the good news is that everything, including my joy can be restored, thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus, that you died so that I could live, and live a full, rich, abundant life with everything I need! Now I am praying that God would make me a bit like Joshua. Taking the land and claiming it as I walk upon it. Apart from instead of land, it's my story with Christ. As I walk with Him, I will claim every new discovery and gift as a present from Him, as my inheritance as his daughter. And I'll hold fast to them! Guarding my heart and letting God watch my back.


When I think about Him, I am almost swept away. It makes me wish I did it more regularly....like everyday. But that's another choice. Hmmm decisions decisions.......... 








"Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses......as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
Joshua 1

So I was, like, what?

So I was having my daily dose of BBC news this morning, and came across an interesting article. Interesting as it includes myself and a good number of my friends in it. I have to say it can be almost embaressing hearing myself talking, especially when I'm nervous and listen to the number of "likes" that come in there. I most often use it as a quotative when I'm replaying conversations to my friends e.g

"So I went to speak to so and so and was like, "how are you doing today?"
"And she was like, "fine."
"And I was like, "that's nice."
"And then so and so comes along and is like, "blablabla."

It's quite an interesting article, for the BBC and it has made me listen a bit more carefully to my speaking,
Anyway, I like, hope you have a nice day!

Love from Kigali

Check out the article here

Callum

I have an amazing little brother called Callum. But I call him my little big brother, and I am his big little sister as he has long overtaken me on the height charts.


Anyway, he is great and really an amazing guy, and God has great, big plans for him. 


Check out his awesome website here


Love you Cal

Setting Sail

I recently aquired a lot of new music from some friends. Jon kindly gave me some more Phil Wickham albums. I love this guy. His lyrics are amazing, his voice is great and he's not too bad to look at either, which makes it all a bit easier. Sorry though ladies, I hear he's married....hmph


Anyway, love this particular song which is called Sailing On A Ship from his album Cannons.
Especially love the line with every storm I face, I find a greater grace




A voice is on the wind
It calls me further in
I’m heading deeper into Your heart
Your mark is on my chest
My sails filled with your breath
You guide me by the light of the stars

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life
I wrestle with the wind against the tide
I'd leave it all behind to reach for more
I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

The skies go blue to gray
And I’m thrown from wave to wave
You still will hear these lungs singing hard
With every storm I face
I find a greater grace
That pulls me deeper into Your heart




He who is in me [and you] is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4








eh....hello sailor

Pure Shady Like

So I picked up some sweet aviators in mu muji (town) the other week. Bargained them from 5000, down to 1500 which I personally think is quite impressive. I actually quite enjoy a good haggle, especially when I win!


rock on

I'm dreaming.....

……….of a scottish Christmas

Christmas time, mistletoe and wine, yes please! In just 32 short African days, I’ll be home in Scotland for some sweet, festive fun!

I have been drifting off into daydreams thinking about home, and things planned for the hols. Here are just a few of the great things I have to look forward to….

First and foremost, the feeling of coming through the arrival gates at Edinburgh airport and seeing loved ones, that is a pretty amazing experience!

A special trip to the hairdressers for a good trim and some attention to the roots! Seriously, my hair is DESPERATE!

Trips up to Edinburgh with Mum. Hitting a few shops (just a few, because we’re not as young as we used to be) lunch in Pret A Manger, and a few coffee stops. I’m even looking forward to Mum dragging me around IKEA, with the promise of an almond croissant at the end. Has anyone ever had an almond croissant at IKEA? They’re amazing. I once went in especially for some.

A trip up to the Highlands with Poppy to visit Graham. Long walks in a beautiful part of the country. Cosy nights with baileys, pjs and hot water bottles. I am REALLY looking forward to this.

Climbing Ben Nevis with Dad. Yes, I have set myself a few challenges, and looking forward to some special time with Dadio.

Catching up on X Factor before the final. Thank God for Catch Up TV.

Seeing my little big brother. Maybe he can come up B.Nevis too. We’ll see.

Trips to the Jammy Coo. The most amazing coffee shop and gallery around. Carrot Cake, Bacon Brie and Cranberry bagels, gorgeous cards and gifts, and the loveliest staff which are the best bit! Their website is great, but a visit there is much better, so you can experience it for yourself! http://www.jammycoo.co.uk/ 

A bit of babysitting some special wee monkeys who I love spending time with.

Seeing Michaela and her two special kitties. I am determined not to be scared of getting scratched and will be friends with these two cats. Maybe a couple of glasses of rose will make it all a bit easier. Also excited about some nice time with M, who brings much joy, and who is a great listener and understands so well.

MY BED. Oh thank you Lord for my big, double, freshly washed bed with big pillows and soft mattress and pretty fairy lights above it. (Yes, I know I never turn them on Mum, but it doesn’t matter)

Seeing my lovely friend Anna aka Bambi. (Bambi is quite a recent name I gave her. It came to me one time when we were out dancing. Anna has amazing long legs, and when combined with ridiculously high heels, can make walking a bit of a challenge. So she usually looks like Bambi wobbling around trying to get her balance most of the time) I am looking forward to seeing her new flat, with en suite so I’ve heard, which I’m LOVING. Anna is a treasure. Love her so much.

Heading up to GTown, Glasvegas, or just Glasgow for those not down with the lingo yet. Love a bit of Glasgow, and what is a trip west without seeing Miss Karen Hutchison?! My sukari who is the best at snuggles! Our visits with eachother always begin in the evening with a movie and ice cream in bed, then continue onto more snoozing in the morning. I’m hoping we can go out for lunch at that nice place again. And of course dinner at Nandos. Which I know isn’t so posh but WE LOVE IT!! Especially with a cheeky Savannah Dry cider on the side, and reminiscing about ZA adventures. Love you K.

Enjoying seeing all the other great people Glasgow holds! Kirsty is a sweetheart who is probably one of the wisest people I know and gives great advice. She's a good 'un! I am also looking forward to seeing Stevie in his new abode.

Walking Molly along the Bridgelands. Trying to distract her away from dead rabbits.

McDonalds runs with Craigy singing Gavin Degraw full blast as we go.

Coffee dates with Ruthie and Alasdair. Usually filling eachother in on all the important issues in life.

I am hoping Shmeeglet (Katie) is home at Christmas. As Boxing Day in Oxton is the best. Hello cheese board and wine!!

Driving around in Rita. Come on old girl, only 32 more days to keep working. Please Please Please!

Chilling out with the family in the evenings watching a movie on the big screen.

Seeing Lauren and getting all worked up about Rwanda in the new year!

REVOLUTION church that is such a blessing. I know it sounds kinda bad, but church here makes me appreciate what we have in that church.

I am actually really looking forward to wrapping up in some nice clothes. Currently dreaming over a pair of leather wedge heel long boots. yum yum.

1^st December antics with Pops. We have the same birthday. And this year are doing something super special. It starts with Stobo and ends in Castle. Yes please!! http://www.stobocastle.co.uk/Home

Seeing Fiona and her gorgeous ray of sunshine. Sophie Elsie. She will be 1 in January which is crazy. Can’t wait to hear her little words and giggles! Yipeeee for babies!

Having the family up from Stoke and spending as much time as possible with them in the nice holiday cottages at Lewinshope. Sauna and all so BYOB (bikini)

A few shifts in Jammy Coo. In particular Thursday mornings with Lindsey! Oh how I’ve missed making her special super size cappuccinos and sharing a slice of something or other with her!

Mince Pies and Mulled Wine. Nuff said.

Christmas TV

Special Time with my Mama. Like when she is cooking and I’m lying on the sofa in the kitchen. Or when we nip into Gala. Or when we go for lunch at Turnbulls in Hawick. Or when we’re making hearts to sell. Or when we’re watching X Factor. Or when we make silly videos after X Factor. Or when we go for a walk “all the way round” and have earl grey tea in Baxters and leave Molly outside harassing anyone that comes near her. I love you Mum!!

Remembering what Christmas is really all about. Thank you Jesus that you were born and lived and died for us. Such a precious gift.

Phew, OK that was a lot, I got a bit carried away. And there are so many more I could write down. I’ve never had a Christmas anywhere but Scotland. And don’t really know what one would be like without my family. New Year is in Kigali, so there will definitely be a blog for that one!

Anyway, I’ll stop here, while I’m feeling festive. Love to all, from Kigali.

Here is a wee pic from maybe a couple of years ago now, when we went for a family walk in the forest (doesn't that make us sound so active?!)

love these guys...

Filled to be Emptied

DTS students left this morning to begin their 10 week Outreach across Eastern Rwanda and Tanzania. Waving them off in their taxi was happy and somehow sad too! Those who know me well, know I can cry at anything...so I had a little sob as I went back to my office ha!


It has been an amazing twelve weeks as the school has been stretched and challenged and grown through lecture phase. Now, it is time for them to out into practice the teachings they received. I am so excited for them, and can already feel that God is going to do great things through their ministry. Awesome!


So, we will miss them at the base for sure, as they bring much joy and laughter with them, but I am looking forward to visiting them in a few weeks or so to see how they are getting on. 


Just sitting here I am reminded of a worship song I really love, especially the last verse...


"I know I'm filled to be emptied again....the seed I've received, I will sow"


These words just make me realise again and again that the gifts God gives us are not to be stored up only for ourselves, but to be shared with the people in our lives. Sharing His love with those who don't know it, sharing His peace with those who are troubled. Freedom for those who are bound. Joy in unhappy lives. Promises for broken hearts...it goes on, and it is ours to share

But my feelings told me to

...yes, and how do you feel about that?


Feelings, we are all very familiar with them, and experience different ones everyday. Doing life here, I find myself feeling joyful, peacful, frustrated, exasperated, amazed, prideful, thankful, encouraged, strengthened, disappointed, offended, passionate....the list carries on, up and down along the hills and through the valleys of my emotion.


Recently, I have been enjoying the feeling of acting upon my feelings. Listening carefully to them, and living my life by them. I have been making decisions based on how I feel about something, and to be honest, there have been a few near disasters because of this. 


I thank God that He created us to feel emotion. Good grief, it would pretty awful if we couldn't express ourselves, or didn't even have feelings to express - ugh. I love the intense happiness I feel when I return home after a long time and see my family, I will never forget coming through arrivals after my return from Rwanda last year. I love the feeling of contentness (yes I know that's not a word) and satisfaction after a big Christmas dinner with honey roasted parsnips and yorkshire puds (drool). I love the feeling of pure awe when you see a brand new baby, hours old, with perfect little fingers and nails, and a little button nose. I also am glad to be able to feel passionate about things that matter in life. I am glad to be able to feel something when I hear about terrible and horrific injustices around the world. Yes, feelings are great, thank You for that. 


But, how do I listen to God, before my feelings? How do I seek His will first, before my own? It's proving to be a bit more difficult that I first hoped and I have been most discouraged when I don't seem to learn my lesson right first time, and get caught up in the same problem soon after. I think I should be honest with you here in this blog, so I will tell you a quick story about when I acted on my feelings recently and nearly got myself into a bit of a mess....


We all know I like a good moan, and can get very carried away with my feelings once I've started. Note to self: Start remembering this as you begin your big rants. Things can be challenging here. And it's good, gosh it is good to be challenged and grown, and it would be pretty boring if I wasn't changing through this experience. Anyway, yesterday I was skyping with my mum lamenting my struggles here blah blah blah (poor Mum) and very suddenly I decided "I don't have to deal with this (pride), I'm not gaining anything here (greed) I can come home now if I want (power), I'm going to tell them I'm leaving at the end of the month (arrogance). Not a nice list of feelings that were swirling into my line of thought. I actually feel pretty shameful about this now. So I went and announced, that I was leaving, that I felt this and this and this and this.....


Later on, I went out for dinner, feeling pretty pleased to begin with but slowly feeling regret and conviction that I had done wrong that afternoon creeping in. What was I thinking? Had I asked God anything about this or just completely overlooked him? Obviously I avoided that question and went on to order some lemon sorbet. The end of the night came, and we had got chatting to a table of americans next to us. They took my number and said they'd call (I hope they do!), and as we left I though "Oh no! I've just decided I'm leaving, and now I've made some friends...hmph" I also got an invite to a party from a scouser who works with something to do with the president. I also was rather deflated to find out the party was in October. I would be home by then, happily comfortable and no doubt having the time of my life away from Kigali......right?


I got back to base, chatted for a while with a couple of the students which was nice and went to bed. Despite it being midnight I was wide awake thinking about Jonah of all people. Oh God no, anyone but Jonah. Not the man who ran away from His calling and got swallowed by a big fish. Of all stories in the bible, You give me Jonah. I am not Jonah. I am not trying to run away, this is just the right thing to do, my feelings have told me so, you see. 
After a good wee while, I fell asleep, woke up in the morning and I'm sure you can imagine what my first thought was.....after a confirming email from Mum, all about....Jonah, I had to go and speak to Personnel again. I'm not leaving, I'm sorry, I acted on my feelings. God has spoken His plan and promises to me. He is meeting all of my needs and I don't want to go home in two weeks. Sorry again. Then I went to speak to God: I'm sorry. I am a weak human who thinks she knows best. You know best, Heavenly Father. I want to walk as a daughter who knows her Dad. Forgive me. Thank you. 


So that's that all sorted, and now I am feeling happiness, peace and comfort that I am in the right place. 


Thank You for that.....

Lets hope I don't need to do this lesson again anytime soon.

There's this girl from Canada right.....

....and her name is Bethany Jade Speers, she is a very special girl who has been to Rwanda before. I met her last year, we shared a LOT of laughs and fair few tears too. She is a Mrs now, which is so exciting and married to a wonderful guy who I hope to meet one day too. I spent half of last year with her here in beautiful Rwanda, and being back without her is weird, to say the least, here's some of the times where I have particularly missed her presence....

I miss B when I'm sitting in Bourbon coffee on my own,  and there is no one sitting opposite me to pull faces at
I miss B when I sit in a meeting and I notice something small and insignificant and I know she would also have noticed that
I miss B when I go to buy something from Phillipe
I miss B when I run out of toilet paper and there is no one to borrow off
I miss B when I watch a disney movie
I miss B when I don't have someone to share the joy of feeling the first cupful of cold water in a shower
I miss B when I'm in Bukora, and I'm the only one scared of the rats
I miss B when I see Steven and Gikotori
I miss B when I get frustrated and no one understands why
I miss B when my back is peeling and I have no one to help me moisturise
I miss B when I go to Kimironko market and everyone asks where Umuhoza is
I miss B when people talk about her
I miss B when I read her blog she wrote last year and remember the special friendship God blessed us with
I miss B when I'm on the moto, and don't have someone to race home with
I miss B when I'm brushing my teeth
I miss B when I have clean up, because we used to help eachother each time
I miss B when I find new places, because I wish that we could have found them together
I miss B when I look through old photos
I miss B when I see two girls having fun out in town
I miss B when I need to have a rant
I miss B when I get too embarrassed to practice kinyarwanda with anyone else
I miss B when I see african fabrics
I miss B when I read our DTS application forms
I miss B when I talk to her online
I miss B when I don't talk to her online
I miss B when I have to sit through a 5 hour church service without her
I miss B when Coldplay comes on shuffle
I miss B when I have tree tomato juice
I miss B when I nearly trip up, and she wasn't there to see it
I miss B a lot really

She is a special, treasured friend, and I know God will bring us together again one day. I will see Canada, and she will see Scotland, I'm quite sure of it. But until then, there are just memories, which will just have to do I suppose

Kigali Livin'

I thought it was about time for another wee entry, this time, more of a general one. Nothing of great interest has happened of late, but though it might be nice just to give you a glimpse into the day to day life of a scottish girl living in Rwanda.

Trips off the base are far from boring and I try to get out 2 or 3 times a week just to keep myself sane. Although the base is nice, I can often feel confined here and just have to get out and see some different faces. A trip into mu muji (town) costs 20p on the Kigali Bus Service. A new addition to the public transport system since my time here last year. Very comfortable to be honest, keeping to the one person per seat policy. It makes a nice change from the matatus (small van that carries 20 people in it) and gets me into the centre pretty swiftly. I am still practicing my patience with the buses and matatus however. The longest part of the journey is probably the first kilometre, where people stand at about five metre intervals along the road, causing the bus to stop every 20 seconds. It drives me crazy! And often leaves me muttering (mild) obscenities under my breath as they pile on one at a time. When we get moving, the journey is always a sight to take in. I never get tired of watching the vibrant world pass me by. Different smells, sounds and sights satisfy the senses each time. 

When in town, my usual first place is a coffeeshop called Bourbon Coffee where amazing coffees are served. Way better than starbucks. All homegrown in different regions of Rwanda. And amazing banana loaf. There are a few branches in the city, one in the centre, one at the airport and one at the big MTN centre. I like being designated to do the airport pickups for students. And always leave early so I can sit and have a coffee first! It's always a nice wee escape and I've never had a bad coffee there! Have to say the apple pie is pretty special too! Made friends with a few of the staff who work there, and have had my cakes or snacks for free once or twice which is SO sweet. I always try and make a swift exit, as the friends I've made seem to be male, and tend to try to ask me out. So to avoid any awkward moments, I say my goodbyes and (subtly) bolt for the exit.

There are plenty of shops around the main town, and a market or two that are great for rooting around in. I'm trying to bring back presents that are a bit different this year and have found some rather delightful wee shops that have sweet things in them. Obviously can't write what I have bought as friends and family will read this and surprise will be spoiled. I often (well, every time I go into town) bump into a guy who sells stuff on the street…I couldn't escape him last year either. He has a (fake) diamond earring in and always insists that I need a map of Kigali, Rwanda or the world. Or at least a flag…or a postcard at least. Oh he is insufferable and he always seems to find me around town. God bless him. 

When I was here last year, I have to admit, I was petrified about going into the busy maze of streets, in case I was mugged or worse, overcharged by the shopkeepers. It's true, it is harder to bargain around those kind of shops, as the women are usually quite bolshy, and not easily persuaded. I got into a bit of an argument once with one. I wanted a simple dress, just for church, plainish, and not expensive. Went into this one shop, and greeted the women inside (noting the £ signs that sprang up in their eyes as they took me in) and announced that I needed a dress. The main mama proceeded to show me 20 of the vilest dresses I have ever seen in my life. She became increasingly aggravated with me as I screwed my nose up at each one. We moved to the changed room where she dressed me (because I can't put a dress on myself) up in 4 or 5 more hideous numbers. At this point, I'd all but given up hope when the silver lining to the experience showed itself in a duckegg blue and tawny brown paisley number. It was by far the nicest thing I'd seen, and had a simple cut and style. I tried it on (heart sinking slightly when I saw there was a hole in the side) and was pleased with the appearance. It was smiles all round as I paraded around the shop in it and soaked up all of the coos of the inhabitants. Turning to the mama, I asked her the price, and nearly fainted when she said 20,000rwf (twenty quid!) WHAT?! Well, I was very displeased and told her I would NEVER pay that amount for it, she asked me how much I would pay, I said 3,000 to which she laughed and started telling the other woman what a crazy muzungu I was only paying this amount. Well, we continued to argue (in our own languages and a few french numbers thrown in for good measure) for another 5 minutes. I offered her 5,000 which is a fortune for what the dress was and she still was not having it. I then stomped out of the shop (disappointed when she didn't call me back) and sulked about my duckegg dress for the rest of the afternoon. However, this experience did not put me off these shops and I can say now I have made a lot of more successful purchases over the months I've been here. And enjoy taking a walk along the streets when I'm in town. Like I said, there is so much to take in. 

I take motorbikes almost every time I go out. They are the fastest way to get around, lots of fun and usually safe(ish). I'm building up quite a collection of stories from the trips. Sometimes you get the slowest driver in Kigali, which is painful (especially now that it's rainy season and getting caught in the rain is just not nice). Or you get the crazy driver (who looks slightly high) and get home in a flash. It's times like this where I really claim God's protection over my life and try to think happy thoughts on the way home. I have to say I've done a lot of tutting, dramatic gasping, and the odd slap on the driver's arm when he's just gone a bit too far. I've had one guy who was following my friend on his bike on the way back to the base, who got a bit confused, and followed another bike, right off the road and down a steep dusty hill, which we then had to come back up, and I thought I was going to fall off the back. One guy ran out of petrol, so we freewheeled down the hill glided silently into the petrol station laughing our heads off. Plenty of times, we have only just made it to the petrol station and the engine just stops which is quite comical. One of the funny sights here is the driver pushing his bike along the road, and a woman (the passenger) storming along behind him on their way to the petrol station. Yeah, it's always fun on the motos, and although they are more expensive than the bus, they are still relatively cheap which is a bonus. 

I think that's enough storytelling for just now, I'm running out of interesting words to use and also running out of wit to keep this entry amusing enough! Today it has rained all morning and there is a bit of a nip in the air, so the socks and flip flop combination is making an appearance. Have a sweet day wherever you are in the world...

Laters